I just found a sequel to that post, dated late last year. In it, he highlights a prayer by Rick Warren, aptly noting that it is well-suited to men. I read it and I like it:
no Jesus/Lord/God repeated 2,300 times during a brief prayer
no misuse of the word "just" 37 times in the same prayer
a simple, direct, bold, scary prayer for God to use him
Food for thought tonight as my children sleep upstairs.
Today in nearby Wisconsin and halfway around the world in
Australia, men are gathering, preparing, praying.
Some are staffing one of these two weekend retreats. Among
them are rookie staffers, whose “work” is fresh in their hearts, and on their
faces. At least one of them, a friend of mine, is staffing for the first time
many years after he went through what is now The Crucible Weekend. There are
mid-level staff, who are familiar with the setting & the flow of the
weekend. And there, too, are senior staff, the leaders. These are the men who
have staffed over and over, who have earned the wisdom they bring. There’s no “Easy-Bake
Oven” for men’s work. Men who give up their weekends, hobbies, and no small
amount of energy to run these things know there is no substitute for
experience. Some of these leaders will assume a heavy mantle of leadership for
the entire weekend. There are surprises, even for the senior staff. And that is
okay, because, you see, they’ve been tested, over and over. And they rely upon
God to show up & do his work through them and all the other men on the
weekend. It is a weighty responsibility, and yet I’ve never heard a leader
complain about it.
There are other men, too. In fact, nearly as many men as on
staff will be attending the weekend, starting tonight. Some arrive broken, troubled
on every side. Some arrive proud, convinced they have things all figured out. Some
men are fighting with all they have to get there tonight, fighting through
fear, trouble at home and/or work, physical issues, car trouble, foul spirits
and the like. Some men are going because they hope God will show up. Some men
are going, and they’re scared, some bordering on panic. Still others have seen
men they know go on the weekend and emerge changed—for the better. These men don’t
know how, or why, they just know they want what they saw in the actions &
words of a man who had been through. Several years ago, I was one of these men.
It is rare in today’s society that words like honor,
service, servant leadership, prayer, and Jesus are all used together. It is
even rarer when men in the Christian church do *anything* together. How rare,
precious, and inspiring it is when these two things come together on a weekend
retreat!
Throughout the day today, and during the weekend, I’ll lift these
men up in prayer. Godspeed to you all!
I was reading blogs the other day & found a gem written by David Murrow.
He wrote a brilliant blog entry about the "prayer-speak" we often find in churches. Worship leaders are especially vulnerable to this affliction. When I say often, here's *how* often: I described the title of the post to a friend, who proceeded to tell me 2 of Murrow's 3 points. Busted!
While I thoroughly enjoyed his insightful writing, the part which resonated most with me was his challenge to stop using "just" in front of verbs. He's right when he says it softens the verb that follows. I'm regularly the language police, and now I have a new rule to enforce on myself, to make sure I communicate with more purpose, focus, and authority.
I had dinner recently with a wise, dear friend. He works
with youth & offered me an assessment I had not heard before. Netted out,
his hypothesis is that as the father in a family goes, so goes the rest of the
home. If the father is away all the time, angry often, doesn’t love his wife,
and/or doesn’t treat his wife well in front of his children, well, then there’s
trouble. Kids grow up with things wrong
in critical areas.
I thought quite a bit about what he said, and which of those
apply most to me. It was a humbling period of self-reflection.
I know I don’t have the strength, wisdom, persistence, and
myriad other things I need to raise good kids. The only chance I’ve got is to
lean into my faith, to get these things from God. For me, this starts with
prayer. Yet for most of my life, prayer was something I did half-heartedly.
Sure, I did it before meals, and foxhole prayers when life got scary.
Gradually, I did it in the mornings occasionally, or just before falling asleep
at night. But it wasn’t a focus, a priority, a value.
There were two big things that changed my approach to
prayer, making it essential. I was scared straight.
The first was a culmination, an awakening of sorts. After
our first child was born, I found myself besieged right before I fell asleep
with potent fear of horrific things happening to my son. This went on for some
time and one day I read the story of Martin Luther being awakened by the Devil
in the middle of the night. Luther, realizing who it was, replied, “Oh, it’s
only you” and went back to sleep. I was reading one of John Eldredge’s books,
learning about spiritual warfare and the value of prayer. I tried praying
against those fears at night, exposing them for what they were, and you know
what? It worked!
The power of prayer really came home for me a year or so
later. To make a long story short, I felt like evil had its hooks in me, and it
rattled me to my core. I got past my reluctance to as for help, asking my wife
& friends to pray for me. I prayed for days, deeply disturbed in my soul,
asking God for wisdom & perspective. What I realized in the midst of this
was I had too few verses of scripture in memory. Put another way, I knew of
the armor of God, but had no idea what it was, how to put it on, what it was
about. I did not want to be caught so unprepared again.
So I began praying Eldredge’s daily
prayer. It seems long & involved. And it is; check out the references
to scripture. And I’ve realized that it is an insurance policy, a shield in the
daily spiritual warfare that surrounds us all. I know on the days when I don’t
make the time for prayer in the morning that I should expect things to go
haywire. Prayer in the morning isn’t a cure-all, a guarantee of smooth sailing.
It does ground me, help me get closer to God, and practice covering my family
and myself in prayer. And it provides me with a touchpoint with God, a place to
evaluate how things are going in my walk with Him.
Are you walking with God daily? Are you in a community of
men who can tell you of the good they see in you—and challenge you to live the
life God intended for you? Are they lifting you up in prayer, and challenging
you to do the same for them, yourself, and your house?
The men's group I'm in met the other day, and one of the big
topics was work. It's fair to say that this theme was the predominant theme,
and that there was a lot to unpack amongst 4 men. My example today will be from
my own “work” on the house. The same process applies to “work” in earning a
living.
Things we do are different from many men's groups.
What we don't do
I've met with guys who fast when another man 'breaks his vow of purity'. We
don't do that.
I've met with men who spend their time serving the poor. Noble, but we don't do
that--as a focus.
I've met with guys who sit around, drink, and smoke cigars. While we do get
together socially, help each other fix our cars & houses, etc. that is not
our focus.
What *do* we do?
It seems simple since we don't do the three things above that many men do when
they gather. Sure, part of it is that we meet from 8-11 am on Saturdays.
There are several things we do:
1) Pray
We open every meeting in prayer, inviting
the Holy Spirit to guide us in our time.
2) Minimize the "story".
I want to be a great storyteller. I don't match the level of detail with my
audience's appetite. Just ask my boss. Or a former boss. I love a good story,
and context matters to me. Ask anyone who is a Myers-Briggs
"P". And the story is not the issue. We don't camp out on the
infinitesimal detail before & after some "event". We could camp
out here for days & not get anywhere. So we move away from this quickly;
2-3 sentences will do.
3) Identify the emotions involved
Emotions? Feelings?
Jokes aside, this is relevant stuff.
Why are you fired up about work? What do you feel,
besides anger? For many men, including me, anger is the "idiot light"
on the dashboard telling me something is going on inside. Usually, when I pause
to look underneath, it's not anger driving things.
Think about it. When was the last time you asked yourself what you felt -- and
actually figured out the answer? If I'm hung up in my men's group, I can ask
for help. We'll figure out what emotions are swirling about in my head. Because
these guys *know me*, they can ask questions, speak truth, and help me see into
my heart. And that is where the action is. Really.
4) Look back, re-evaluate the situation, and take action
Most often, I'm hung up about two outcomes, and I'm *convinced*
the will both happen. Most often one of them is happening, and I
expect the other will happen. The other things I expect will happen,
along with the emotions there, are usually rooted in the past. In my life,
those rules or stories were true and/or served me a long time ago. And often
they no longer serve me and are no longer true. What if I saw these things in a
new light & re-evaluated them?
An example
My Dad was pretty handy. He fixed everything that broke in
our house, without a bunch of drama or fanfare. We weren't rich, so fixing
things saved money that was in short supply in the first place. I'm handy too,
but I was 12 when he died, and there's a lot he never got the chance to teach
me. Part of me believes that 1) I can't afford professional help around the
house/cars, and 2) real men don't need help there.
My wife has waited, mostly with great patience, for *years*
to take a bath again in our master bathroom. She likes baths, and our other full
bathroom borders the twins' room, so running water late at night wakes them up.
And tip-toeing through toothpaste & a bathroom used by two boys is not a spa experience. Grad School, a new job, and the intricacies
of working with silicone caulk aside, it is still not bath-ready.
I don't know how and am afraid to do the work. It could look
like crap & be a huge failure. On the other hand, my wife loves baths, and
currently the caulk in that bathroom *is* a huge failure, b/c I've removed it
but not replaced it!
Only one of these outcomes is true. The other I *believe* will come true. So
I'm stuck. Do I take the risk that I'll screw it up, or acknowledge that it is
already screwed up, b/c it doesn't work? I'm screwed either way… I could blow
it.
What if people hung with me either way? That's revolutionary. What if they
spotted my issues, b/c they knew me & I tell them, and they help me figure
out which is true, and which *might* be true? What if they challenge me to step
out of my contort zone?
Take Heart...And Action!
Whether the issue is work, caulking my bathtub, or somewhere
in between, I have a group of men who know me, challenge me to the best I can
be, and call "shenanigans" on my "stuff". Working through
these things helps us be the men God created us to be, frees us to do the work
we need to do in our families, communities, churches, and jobs.
If you are not part of a group of men like this, take heart. There are men out there
where this is why we gather: to help each other work through our junk, support
us while we do it, and challenge us to take action.
Why not get out there & find a
place to teach you these things? The Crucible Project
offers an initial weekend that does it. If you're not a Christian, but this
idea resonates with you, the Mankind Project
sponsors a similar weekend. I've done them both, and am partial to TCP because
I believe in the transformational power of Jesus & the Holy Sprit.
