Boys, Men, and the Christian Church

I just stumbled upon a great couple of blog posts about boys by Tim Wright. In one, he talks about The High Cost of Bored Boys.

The thing that really got my attention, that struck a nerve, is his first post, asking Does Anyone Care Anymore About Boys?

Ahh, the beach!

I have been blessed with two sons, and the thing that grabbed my attention was how in 2009, the White House announced the formation of The President's Council on Women and Girls. Why no mention of a similar council for boys & men, you ask? I think it is part of  a larger drift among men. I see recurring examples of men who are not motivated, engaged, or "stepping up" in their lives. The women are organized, and the men are...where? Afterall, boys can't raise themselves, at least not well. Just look at the stats in Wright's blog.

In my opinion, the most direct path to turning this around is to raise up men. That's why I blog, serve in Men's Ministry in my church, meet with men, & staff weekend retreats with The Crucible Project.

There's another great group, Project 5130, which "raises up" boys on an experiential weekend. In fact, the group's founders are alumni of The Crucible Project.

I am delighted at others' efforts to start & continue a conversation about raising boys. Men, myself included, need all the help they can get. And if we don't get men & boys engaged in the world, and their faith, what will be left of the Christian church?

The Christian Church, a Gender Gap, and Missing Men

David Murrow did it again. He has written another insightful, pointed post about the Christian church and the gender gap.

I would argue that the grand narrative arc of the New Testament does NOT emphasize feminine themes; rather this arc has become perceived as feminine.

• Yes, Jesus fought an abusive, legalistic religious landscape. That alone sounds more like a man than a woman--except when I consider this is how media represent women today. To prove my point, how many leading ladies in action films are shown as tough, vs. vulnerable, nurturing Sunday school teachers? 
• Jesus asks fishermen to walk away from their livelihood and follow him, and they do. Popular culture is replete with examples of men who drop what they're doing to pursue a beautiful woman.
• Jesus has a group of men who are his close friends, his ministry, his traveling companions. I think this is the example most adopted by women, most abandoned by men in our culture today. When I ask men if they're interested in men's groups or a Bible study, etc. they look at me like I'm speaking Klingon.

We've taken rugged individualism and made it our false idol. Jesus "did life" in the company of other men, ministering to communities as a whole. He broke bread with these guys, they disagreed & worked it out.

I don't think women grabbed the reins of the church from men; I believe, like John Eldredge, that most men are "asleep" when it comes to the big issues in life (and no, the big issues don't include fantasy football). With nobody at the wheel, so to speak, women stepped in.

It's like a company whose lead product has drifted from one market segment to another. They're in a tough spot, b/c the money & decisions are made by the new segment (women), and the original segment (men) is out of the picture, with little brand "engagement". Under attack from exterior forces (other religions, apathy, "must see TV", etc..), how does this firm re-engage its original target?

That is the big question: how to get men involved again in church. James MacDonald at Harvest has had a lot of success in this arena; I like David Murrow's ideas. The Crucible Project is getting it done.

Any other ideas? What are you doing to get men engaged in church...and life?

The Crucible Weekend: A Closer Inspection

I've had a dose of the reality lately, regarding the frailties of humanity: people close to me impacted by death, hurt, broken community, fear.

Taking a look at Character &
The Crucible Weekend

I'm encouraged by the character of men I know:

A man who helps me clean up after working (together) on his wife's car. This isn't about a pristine garage: all tools are potential weapons or instruments of destruction if left unsupervised & in arm's reach of my kids. :) It is after 11pm, he has a 30 minute drive home, and he has to leave early in the morning for work. It would be easy for him to ask me to leave w/o helping in cleanup, and I'd support him if he did. He stays to help wrap up, b/c it is the right thing to do.

A man shares a prayer he wrote years ago, as he looked back with grief on his (human) failings as a Dad. I'm not the first one to raise my hand & thank him: for both the gift of his prayer and the gift of his humility & willingness to take the risk to share. I add it to my daily prayer.

A man I know & respect very much mentions The Crucible Project as something that transforms his life, and one of his friends takes a leap of faith & signs up for The Crucible Weekend. Within a week, my friend finds himself, his wife, and children threatened by a major crisis. He writes and speaks of God, tells tales of His provision, and boldly asks for prayers for his family.

Sure, if you look hard enough, you'll find stories of courage out there. The concentration of stories like these in The Crucible Project alumni is no accident. Come join us and live a life worth imitating--and telling others about.

The Red Lantern

I've been thinking a lot about school & community lately, as all three of my kids are now in school. Fall baseball has started, and there are wide variations in skill on my eldest son's team. How they treat each other on & around the baseball field, as well as in school is on my mind & heart when I'm at the games, and particularly at bedtime when we talk about the day, one-on-one.

Seth Godin blogs about The Red Lantern, a celebration of courage & determination in the Iditarod (and also the Tour de France, by the way). In particular, this is a celebration of people who are so far behind in a race they'll never win, yet they don't quit.

Why not celebrate people who
push through their own limitations?

Everyone wants to be a winner; it is painful & often very public to show up in last place. My kids won't always win at things they do, and I love the idea of celebrating them for not quitting when *everything* tells them to: the scoreboard, the crowd, their bodies, their flagging determination.

This spirit runs through men's work: the idea that we celebrate a man's victories without comparison to the scoreboard [read: paycheck, house, car, title, family success, how attractive his wife is, etc.]. In fact, men's work, when done right, provides an environment where men can set & achieve goals of real substance & merit: go after things which scare them to death; important, weighty issues with a ripple effect extending well beyond themselves. Men have challenges to face, they can get support and accountability, and they can break through their own barriers, limitations, addictions, distractions.

God won't evaluate me based on how well I perform relative to the rest of the human race. He'll evaluate how well I did based on what He gave me to do in the light of His holy expectations. That is a tall order. I'm grateful for grace, and a community of men who help me do my best to stay in the race, even when I'm way, way behind the leaders.

If you're way behind in any (or many!) of the races in your life, don't quit. Prayerfully consider attending one of The Crucible Weekend retreats. The "Red Lantern" can be simple & powerful: "Well done, good & faithful servant."

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