Crucible Project Cult? Part 5 of 13: Relationships

Now for episode 5 of 13 in my examination of The Crucible Project and whether it exhibits aspects of a cult.

5) They sometimes foster inappropriate patterns of relationships.
To me, "inappropriate patterns" mean emotional, sexual, or financial exploitation. These are pretty serious, so I'll address them one by one.

Emotional

Crucible Project: Emotionally
Healthy Relationships

In my experience, TCP is about creating a safe place for men to be honest with each other and themselves about their lives. Still, each man is responsible for what he chooses as safe to share. While this level  of vulnerability may seem scary to some people, this honesty isn't designed to emotionally vomit on others, nor is it about making comparisons to rank sins or justify wrong behaviors. When I'm staffing, I'm  there to serve the participants and to stand with other staff men to support participants emotionally.

Sexual
Most importantly, there is no sex on the weekend. Period. Boy, that is edgy to write, probably freaks out somebody, probably makes somebody mad. I'm walking a fine line here in terms of what does/does not happen on the weekend. But I write it because that little three letter word can be a powerful, painful mess in the lives of many men. In fact, many types of issues come up, including sex. The goal is to help men explore these barriers in a trusting environment.  In fact, realizing how volatile and powerful this little word can be in a man's life, TCP dedicates an entire separate weekend to examine the role of healthy sexuality in our lives. It's about examining perspectives, not about experimenting on people.



TCP: Not About Money

Financial
As I said before, I'm not paid to staff. Not by TCP, not by staff men directly. I don't get tips, gifts in kind, or any financial or other remuneration. I've done some impressive (for me) things on a weekend, but nobody has ever offered to pay me. (You can't see it, but I'm laughing at myself as I write about how I've done impressive things worth being pad on the weekend.) Even if someone offered to pay me for staffing, I'd refuse. That is not why I staff; I address that here. I don't invite men to weekends to I can grow my business or get them to be indebted to me financially. I don't know any man who does that (or would even consider it). The weekend comes up when men ask me or I invite them, and the basis is our relationship, my story, or what I "got" from my weekend.

When I hear men talk about the weekend, or who invited/told them something about TCP, I don't hear tales of payback. Instead, I hear tales of men who want to pay it forward--sharing what they "got" with other men they know, wanting to see that great benefit in the lives of their friends. In my opinion, that is about authentic friendship, not an inappropriate pattern of relationship.

Crucible Project: What You Won't See

If you've been looking for information on The Crucible Project online, you may have found some posts that are, let's say, less than accurate.

Here are two things that you won't see on a TCP weekend:

• Devotionals on Rocky (the movie)
• Men blindfolded & kneeling on a concrete floor

By this, I mean it doesn't happen--not that it does & you won't see it. Especially the part about the blindfold--get it?

How can I say that, & moreover, why listen to me?

• I went through the weekend in March, 2010
• I staffed a weekend in March, 2012

Neither of these things happened when I went through or staffed.

Full disclosure: 

• I believe in & trust The Crucible Project & its mission.
• I'm not being paid or rewarded in any way to write this (or any) blog entry.