More on Courage

On the heels of yesterday’s blog about courage, I saw this image & had a reaction.

'Nuff said

What in my life am I willing to do in order that I may say on my deathbed that I lived well? I don’t mean owning fine things, I mean a life of impact, meaning, and value. I hope my efforts here, at home, in my church stir men to action, healing, and leadership in their homes, jobs, and communities. Impact such that these same men challenge & encourage me to do the same.

Shakespeare said "A coward dies a thousand deaths, but the valiant taste death but once." 

How do you want to be remembered?

Courage

USS Johnston DD557

I recently read "The Last Stand of the Tin Can Sailors". 

While the major forces of the American navy went after a diversion to the north, early on the morning of October 25, 1944 a powerful Japanese fleet surprised a much smaller American force protecting nascent American gains on Leyte.  

Knowing the carriers he was sworn to protect were in grave danger, Cmdr. Earnest Evans, captain of the USS Johnston, said:

A large Japanese fleet has been contacted. They are fifteen miles away and headed in our direction. They are believed to have four battleships, eight cruisers, and a number of destroyers. This will be a fight against overwhelming odds from which survival cannot be expected. We will do what damage we can.

What a powerful story of courage!

It is as inspiring to me as it is humbling: there are far smaller things I shirk from every day.

Carpooling To The Crucible Project Weekend Retreat

I like control, so most of the places I go, I do the driving. I've had the benefit of carpooling to the Crucible Project Weekend retreat as both participant & staff. 

On the way to my initial TCP weekend, I traveled with three other men. I did part of the driving; it wasn't my car. I was nervous about what to expect for the weekend, and my fear of the unknown was heightened by not having my keys & my car at my disposal. The big deal for me was control. And in ways I did not understand until later, changing the way I usually do things (in this case, not driving my own car) and being out of my comfort zone were part of setting the stage for me for the rest of the weekend. 

In some ways, the carpool issue parallels a larger social/societal trend as well as my own life. How often do you see Christian men (or any men) spending time together in close quarters? How much time do I spend alone in my car, or my life, when I could be in community with other men? Quite a bit, truth be told. So men who don't know each other are challenged to ride together and "make" conversation. And when the weekend ends, men ride back to their lives. The conversation on the way back is remarkably different, from a different place, with different language, honesty, & transparency. My ride home from my initial TCP weekend was a debrief, a reflection, a series of "ah-ha" moments men had on the weekend and shared willingly with others in the car. Transformation.

Why carpool? For sure, the logistics of getting 70-80 vehicles (participants & staff) in a parking lot are made a lot easier if the number of vehicles is cut by half or more. There's an environmental boost by ride sharing. It gives Christian men a "bookend" experience on the weekend: two very different levels of community, conversation, sharing. It offers us a chance to look inward when we're stirred up, to reflect on what is going on. There's no harm in that; it is a skill worth practicing.

The Crucible Project: Initiation Is Not A Cult

I'm preparing to go staff the March weekend in WI, and initiation is on my mind & heart.

What is initiation?

• In pre-industrial age societies, men initiated boys into the community of men. These were tests of strength, character, courage.
• Give them a taste of what it takes to be a man: 
• dig deeper for strength & resolve when they want to quit
• character when faced with situations where ethics, morals, & faith are involved
• courage in the face of fear & uncertainty
• The point was not to haze, shame, humiliate, or damage. After all, these boys were sons of men in the community.

 Why initiation for men?

Service & mentorship
not hazing

• What defines a man? Is it age? Maybe secondary sex characteristics like deeper voice or chest hair? How about sexual conquest, siring children, or moving out from his parents’ house? I argue that our culture, including Christian culture, is confused on this issue. I’ve seen little church teaching or guidance on this issue, leaving young men to fend for themselves. Because few of these boys have a mentor. And that, in my opinion, is because few men can understand, much less articulate what it means to be a man. Christian communities need Christian men to challenge & bless young men, to teach them, welcome them into the community of men, to share the wisdom of their experience with these men.
• For those men older than teens/20s, there are still questions: do I have “what it takes”, how do articulate what is going on in my head, how do I communicate with my heart / women / other men? Heck, in most cases, men have no idea what “authentic” community means. Hint: it’s not about drinking beer, playing golf, watching sports. If their Dad didn’t teach them, they’re trying to figure it out on their own.
• Why not have a group of prayerful Christian men challenge & bless other men, regardless of age? Where is the downside of teaching men how to understand themselves, be honest with themselves & others? 

Why not give out the schedule?

• I touched on this in an earlier post.
• I like to figure out the way to do well on a “test”. Left to my own devices, I’ll study like a wild man, practice, prepare. The truth is, I’ll figure out how much I have to do to meet a certain standard I have for myself, and do that. If I don’t know what the minimum is, I’ll work harder, do whatever it takes. If I don’t have lots of data on how to game the system, I won’t game the system. 

Initiation <> Cult

In terms of initiation, The Crucible Project doesn’t have the hallmarks of cults/hazing:

• Sleep deprivation
• Men get adequate sleep & are not up all night. Tired, yes. Driven to exhaustion? No.
• Coercion
• The whole weekend is what I call “challenge by choice”. This isn’t the military, people.
• Food & water
• Men eat & drink on the weekend; water is always available. It is not a spa retreat, but we don’t starve or go thirsty, either.
• Physical punishment or verbal abuse
• Absolutely, categorically, positively does not happen. The weekend is iron sharpening iron (Proverbs 27:17), not a place where men hurt each other.

I'm focused on what I can give back to the men on the weekend. Men I don't even know. I'm giving back the blessings & wisdom I've gained, in part through the service of other men who staffed. These men didn't know me, either. They spent a weekend away from their families, after months of preparation, to serve God and other men doing work that is challenging. On Sunday, we'll all leave blessed & full, and the community of Christian men will be stronger & wiser. That is neither hazing, nor a cult.