Crucible Project Cult? Part 8 of 13: Encouraging Impulsive Behavior?

Tonight, part 8 of 13 in my series about whether or not The Crucible Project weekend retreats exhibit cult behavior.

8) They sometimes foster impulsive personality styles and behavioral strategies

Lemmings: Great imagery for the blog, not the model for The Crucible Project

I can understand how this is a fearful aspect of cults: getting members to "follow the herd" and do things they would not normally do, like giving up assets, doing things in which they would not normally participate.

The second part about fostering impulsive behavioral strategies indicates a longer term strategy around inducing impulsive behavior. Neither of these are true in The Crucible Project; in fact, there are specific efforts to counter what I believe is a natural human tendency. Let me explain.

Impulsive Personality Styles
As I noted in an earlier post, TCP represents a diverse slice of the male population: theologically (albeit all Christian), culture, language, location, vocation, marital status, etc.  There is no effort to get men to conform themselves into the image, habits, personality, or decision making process of any one man. The model man portrayed on the weekend is Jesus. The focus is not on being a clone of Greg Huston, or anyone else but Jesus; rather, the focus is on each man growing closer to God & becoming the man God created him to be, in line with the principles outlined in the Bible. Regarding my two examples above:

1. Men are not rewarded for a specific personality style or behavior on the weekend. There is no incentive to be anything other than authentic, which can be a challenge in and of itself. The weekends are "challenge by choice" (my term), and even then allow for differences among men.
2. There is no time-share style presentation, hitting men up for additional money before the weekend is over. There are no efforts whatsoever to get men to spend, buy, or obligate themselves for further financial commitments.

Impulsive Behavioral Strategies
In the first part of this post, I spoke of what I believe to be a natural human tendency, and that TCP works to counterbalance those. First, the natural human tendency. When I've been struggling with a problem for a long time and I finally get a crack in the case, some insight, a revelation, I'm excited. Coupling that with my natural tendency towards action often looks "impulsive". People who know me agree: I have made impulsive decisions. I've talked with other men about this specific scenario and they agree that many of them feel the urge to take action after uncovering new insights about a longstanding problem.

One time early in my career I found strange things happening at work, and the atmosphere became downright toxic. I worked to adapt what I could, to try new approaches, to work more hours--even though I had a sinking suspicion something larger was wrong. One morning senior management made a series of decisions and I figured out the issue...and that I needed to look for a new job. I was still employed, but the "writing on the wall" was clear. I *could* have made an "impulsive" decision and resigned on the spot: morale was bad, the culture was toxic, and I had new powerful insight about what was going on. In addition, I had savings, rented an apartment, and no dependents, so why not jump? Instead I waited for a time, sought wise counsel, etc. before acting. Though my decision to wait doesn't make for a story of boldness at parties, it was the right call. Why? Because big decisions like resigning, made on the spot when my emotions run high, are rarely wise.

Had I made such a "discovery" over the course of a Crucible Project Weekend, I would have received wise counsel about the urge I felt to go change some things about my job on Monday. I know I'm not providing much in the way of details; I choose to honor my commitment to confidentiality. Sure, I could have "stuck it to the man" and had a bold story to tell. TCP is about the larger story of God's work in my life, family, church, and community. Big decisions have ripple effects well beyond a snap decision and cavalier attitude.

The leaders of The Crucible Project understand men, their struggles, responsibilities, and commitments. Like guides on a dark, narrow path, they use wisdom and patience to lead from the front, rather than hype and hurry to push from the rear. Cult leaders don't do that, because they're out for themselves instead of being out for their followers.

Crucible Project: Cult or Not?

I’ve heard the question raised, “Is The Crucible Project a cult?”

I think this is a common question for men to ask. After all, the site is not awash with details regarding what goes on during the weekend, men are asked to keep confidential what happens, and there are things said on the internet which can be disconcerting. This is a pretty broad topic, so I’ll address in several posts.

Full disclosure: I’m not an expert on cults, and I’ve not been offered any remuneration by TCP leadership to write this post.

Before I get into the definition of cults and how they may/may not play out in TCP, I’d like to address the high level concerns listed above about what goes on in the weekend, and the issue of confidential information.

Crucible Project:
Cult or Conspiracy?
Nope

What happens on the weekend?

The site and alumni are pretty vague about what happens on the weekend. Why? More black helicopters? No.

Part of the weekend is an initiation, which is experiential in nature. Even if I had the outline in hand before I went on the weekend, I would miss the context, flow, and rhythm of the weekend. There are times in my life when audible turn-by-turn guidance is what I want, and I can understand how mystery about the weekend can increase a man’s desire for step-by-step instructions. I’ve found introspection and adventure to be places where Tom-Tom doesn’t know the route. I want to use the cheat codes for my life, but that doesn’t help me learn what God has been trying to teach me. The best way for me to experience the weekend is to actually experience the weekend.

Crucible Project: Safe

Confidential vs. Secrecy     

Men who attend the weekend are asked to keep confidential what they see and hear. Confidential has several definitions; in this case it is about being entrusted with private affairs. Secrecy is something done without the knowledge of others. Strong friendships are built around trust: knowing each other well, including each other’s mistakes & failings. To share these confidential mistakes & failings with others is at least gossip, at worst betrayal.

Setting up the framework of “what happens here stays here” is important. It enables an atmosphere of “no shenanigans” (or “no BS”) that is as rare as it is essential. How many times this week did you suspect people were not being entirely truthful with you? Were their motivations or objectives secret (vs. confidential)? Do you trust them? Part of setting up an environment without these “shenanigans” is ensuring confidentiality: being entrusted with private affairs.

Can men talk at all about the weekend?

What did you
get on your
weekend?

Yes, they can. In fact, men are encouraged to share with others what they “got” on the weekend. The irony: some men are very interested in the step-by-step, when what is really important is the learning, insight, revelation (e.g. “I got it!”) that happens along the way. Talking about what I uncovered about myself is risky, because it can be messy or involve a level of trust I don’t have with everyone. It is also authentic.

On my TCP weekend, I did some powerful grief work. My Dad died when I was 12. I loved him very much. I wasn’t quite to the age when boys pull away from their Dads & start carving out their own identity, so our relationship had very little conflict. Among the things I “got” on my weekend: a renewed appreciation for my kids, a heartfelt love for them, and a drive to experience more joy with them. There are more things I “got”, things more confidential than a blog post anyone can read. And if you ask the guys who were there, you’ll get a knowing look that comes from shared experience, and how that touched their lives. And because they understand “confidential”, you won’t get the details of what else happened that weekend. That's not because of a conspiracy, or a cult. It is because those are shared experiences are private.