Crucible Project Cult? Part 13 of 13: Risks of Group Participation

At long last, the final post of 13 addressing key cult behaviors relative the The Crucible Project and The Crucible Weekend.

13) They fail to adequately consider the "psychonoxious" or deleterious effects of group participation (or) adverse countertransference reactions.

Basically, this aspect of cult behavior revolves around leadership not considering the harmful effects of group participation. I debated the risk to my "Man Card" on this one and decided to opt for information over pride: I looked up countertransference. Countertransference is where an analyst/therapist is effectively "triggered" by something a patient says.

While I can see how this definitely applies to cults, I do not see evidence of this in The Crucible Project as a whole, and particularly not on The Crucible Weekend.

I'll start with countertransference. The Crucible Weekend is not a group therapy retreat. The specifics of the definition here don't apply. That's fine, what about the intent here: does leadership consider bad things happening to participants on the weekend? There are several key components of this:

1) Leadership and their role
As I've blogged before, leadership on The Crucible Weekend is servant leadership, where leaders hold

Bible & Prayer: Cornerstones for The Crucible Weekend

themselves to a high standard (God's) and invite staff to call them out and bring up concerns. When was the last time you saw this at your job, school board meeting, political rally, etc.? In addition to serving the staff, leaders are of course focused on the participants on the weekend. After all, there is no weekend without men who come. And there are no more weekends if men leave worse off than when they arrived.

In the same blog I wrote about the months-long preparation that goes into The Crucible Weekend. There is a lot of preparation, intention, and most importantly prayer involved here. Leadership sets the tone in any organization, and here men "walk the talk". Atypical in most organizations, I'd argue.

2) Money
This isn't a multi-level marketing scheme where leadership lines its pockets with alms from the poor, or presents a life-long curriculum [read: revenue stream]. There are no ancillary products (shirts, etc.) participants buy to increase revenue. Fees for the weekend are modest. I do not get paid as a staffer on the weekend: my reward for staffing is not monetary. There's very little to do with money.

3) Safety
Setting aside the specifics of countertransference, what happens if men get upset/triggered by something someone else says?  There are tools, time, prayer, and a collective will on the part of staff to address it.

What happens with men when something "hacks them off". When a man is "triggered" by something, there are a whole menu of options for dealing with & expressing what's going on inside:

• physical release like fighting, yelling, throwing things, breaking things, exercise, driving fast (mostly bad options I know)
• covering it up/checking out through drugs, alcohol, video games, or some other pursuit
• taking it out on the people around them, intentionally or unintentionally
• obsessing about it: it becomes the dominant theme of any & all conversations for some period of time

There are many more things men can do; I think this is an illustrative list. What is missing, on purpose, from this list:

• figuring out what the issue is (at the core)
• resolving the conflict
• addressing the issue

Flowers won't do the job

In my own men's group, and sometimes on The Crucible Weekend, sparks fly between men. After all, it takes iron to sharpen iron: flowers won't get the job done. And by sparks, I mean some level of conflict, not fist fights or mixed martial arts. The difference between this happening on the street or at work vs. on The Crucible Weekend is that there's a way to work through the conflict/trigger to separate the component parts, to figure out what the issue is & resolve the conflict.

Addressing the issue is really up to the individual. Here's an example.

Backstory
There's a guy I know who is having a lot of conflict and chaos at work. Management is behaving

Really, really stuck

inconsistently, there are favorite employees who can do no wrong (and ironically, they do little work while they're doing no wrong), communication problems everywhere, and gulf between what senior management can expense and what front line employees can purchase in the way of tools/training to do their job. Sound familiar/reasonable so far?

He's Stuck
So this guy I know can NOT stop talking about work. Ask his wife, small group, friends, kids, neighbors. Sometimes he successfully avoids the subject; sometimes someone asks and it all comes pouring out. He's stuck. He knows he's stuck, but doesn't know what to do with it. He sees himself snapping at his kids and wife, spending more & more free time in some alternate reality (video games, alcohol, the internet, etc.) trying to get away, a break, a respite.

Now What?
If this guy were in my men's group, we would work through a technique or two we learned on The Crucible Weekend to separate out the component parts of this swirling mess. He'd be able to get a sense of the issue(s) underneath it all. If the issue involved sparks flying with another man in our group, he could address & resolve the conflict. This is radical: most men I know burn the relationship or walk away when there is serious conflict.

The man could also ask for help in addressing the issue. He could ask to be held accountable, to be encouraged, etc. by the other men in the group as he goes about the business of addressing the issue. The other men in the group can't have difficult conversations with this guy's wife, parents, friends, etc. They can't *make* him find a good Christian counselor, handyman, mechanic, mentor, get a new job, etc.

I've been the guy above. So have many of the men I know.

If you've been "stuck", you know how hard it is to get "un-stuck". The truck driver above isn't going to get out of there by himself. And the truth is, God built us to be in community, not islands unto ourselves.

If a group of men can teach me how to get "un-stuck" because they believe the glory of God is a man fully alive, then certainly they've considered the risk of me being in a circle of men. And I'm living proof they have the tools to address whatever comes up when sparks fly.

Crucible Project Cult? Part 12 of 13: Time Pressure and Cures

We're almost there: 1 more post after this in the series of 13 behaviors of cults. Today:
12) They pay inadequate attention to decisions regarding time limitations. This may lead to increased pressure on some participants to unconsciously "fabricate" a cure.

There are three components here:

1. how time is handled
2. resulting pressure on participants
3. "fabricate a cure"

Don't apply on The Crucible Weekend

Time: Adequate Attention; Focused Intention
There is adequate attention to time limitations; there is also intention regarding time limitations. As I've blogged before, time on The Crucible Weekend is handled differently than most of our daily lives. First, the attention part. We know for sure the start time of the weekend; the finish time is a range. During the course of the weekend, staff know what time it is, and a range of time we *expect* things to take, based on experience. I've staffed a few times, and each piece may take more or less time than it did on a different weekend--and that is okay. The goal is men getting what they came for, not a metric like on time arrival. God has His own timeline, and I'm praying for & counting on Him to show up on the weekend.

Lots of this on The Crucible Weekend

Now for the intention part. The handling of time, and managing to an objective other than time, are by thoughtful, prayerful design. The schedule isn't published because the weekend is an experiential weekend, not a lecture or a train schedule. I mentioned variability above. This isn't a business meeting; exercises build on each other and the time required is the time required.


The weekend is managed by objective, not the clock: when men get what they need, the weekend moves on.

This is NOT The Crucible Weekend!

Pressure on Participants?
Because there is no published schedule, and because in many ways we're off the grid, there is *not* time pressure on participants. We're all away for the weekend, and the outside world will go on just fine for a few days. When was the last time you unplugged from your phone, email, calendar, to-do list? Jeez, it is cathartic to just write that sentence! With all of those distractions removed, it is much easier for me to be present in the moment, wherever I am. The weekend is designed to provide this freedom, and I argue there is no time pressure on participants.



Fabrication And The Cure

The Crucible Weekend Doesn't Peddle Cures

The intent isn't for participants to fabricate anything on the weekend. The standard is to get about the business of honesty & integrity, not making things up. Given the amount of prayer, preparation, & intention involved on the weekend, I have seen the fingerprints of the Holy Spirit in numerous ways--not the fabrications of men under time pressure.

As for the cure...  There is no language about "cure" on the TCP site. This isn't a therapy group, it isn't a bunch of guys running around telling other men how to fix their lives. I blogged earlier about the goals of the weekend, which you can read on the TCP site here. I certainly haven't seen anyone fabricate a "cure" like some medieval alchemist. I have seen and heard men talk about how the Great Physician showed up on the weekend in powerful and often unexpected ways. I have heard talk of healing, restoration, etc.--but not cure. That is okay, by design, and further proof that TCP isn't peddling snake oil.

Crucible Project Cult? Part 11 of 13: People Not Process

Today's exploration of cult behaviors:
11) They sometimes focus too much on structural self-awareness techniques and misplace the goal of democratic education; as a result participants may learn more about themselves and less about group process.

This aspect of cult behavior doesn't apply to TCP either, for several reasons.
First & foremost, TCP focuses *more* on democratic education than "structural self-awareness techniques".

• In my mind, focusing too much on "structural self-awareness techniques" means teaching & practicing behaviors over & over during the weekend. The weekend is an experiential weekend for participants, not a training course on how to run the weekend.
• I've blogged about how staff on the weekends are empowered to speak up, that leadership is treated as an honor & responsibility.
• Staff understand (and are taught) that what men "get" on the weekend is unique & personal. The process/schedule involved is the means to the end, not the end in itself.

The second part of this: participants learn more about themselves and less about group process.
Um, that's pretty much the point. My previous post went through the self-described goals of the weekend as published on the TCP site.

I think the intent here is about how true cults operate, in that participants in cults are kept isolated from understanding the group processes in which they participate. This just isn't so. Once men complete the weekend, any man can apply to staff.

In fact, by the end of the weekend, the rationale behind the flow of the weekend makes sense to participants. As I blogged before, what happens on the weekend is confidential, not a secret. There really is a difference.

Crucible Project Cult? Part 10 of 13: Real Agenda

Now for the next installment of whether The Crucible Project is a cult:
10) They sometimes ignore stated goals, misrepresent their actual techniques, and obfuscate their real agenda.

Ignore Stated Goals?
Let's start with them, straight from the site.

We sponsor THE CRUCIBLE WEEKEND, a life changing experience that is designed to challenge men of faith to go deep to discover new levels of truth about themselves. We give men an opportunity to wrestle with God over issues in their lives. Finally, we invite men to embrace their God-given masculinity and live at new levels of authenticity, passion and power.

I see three stated goals
1) discover new levels of truth about themselves
2) wrestle with God
3) embrace God-given masculinity & live at new levels of authenticity, passion, & power

1) New Levels of Truth
As I've blogged before, there are activities on the weekend which foster growth, introspection, and looking at things from a different perspective, with new tools. The staff may ask the questions; each man, in close partnership with God, digs into the truth about his life.

2) Wrestling with God
My three children *love* to wrestle with their Dad. It's playful, physical, fun. It's a place where they learn things, like hitting & biting are not wrestling. They also learn what "cheap shots" are, and that they're not okay. They learn new techniques, team up with their siblings, and we laugh and have a good time. There's almost always something someone learns during or after, and we have a quick debrief at the end, to reinforce things like don't throw pillows at the ceiling fan in Mom & Dad's room. :) When I went on my Crucible Weekend, I was afraid about what "wrestle with God" meant. In my experience, it is similar to wrestling with my kids:

• I can't really beat God, just like my kids can't beat me (yet--they're still little)
• I learn new techniques & team up with others, just like when my kids join their siblings in wrestling me
• I don't get hurt/wounded in the process, just like I don't let my kids get hurt (bumps sometimes happen; no ER trips-yet)
• I learn something new each time, just like I mentioned above
• When it is over, I'm glad I did it, just like my kids are

3) Embracing God-Given Masculinity
This is important, in a world where men in media are henpecked, dimwits, the butt of the jokes, selfish, or cruel. The weekend looks at the Bible to define masculinity in God's eyes, with Jesus as an example. Acknowledging & embracing the truth about my life can be scary; it is also refreshing & rewarding. What if you weren't afraid of how you sized up with other men? What if you realized that men have a lot more in common than you were taught? What if?

The Crucible Project: No Trap

Misrepresent Actual Techniques?
I argue there is no misrepresentation; in fact there is very little representation at all! As I blogged before here and here, sometimes men blanch at not knowing what will happen on the weekend. I can understand being uncomfortable with the mystery. Have you read the testimonials?

Sometimes it seems like things are being misrepresented when in fact they're not.

Right out of college, I was a high school history teacher. Most of my peers "reviewed" with the students the day before the test: paraphrasing the questions which would be asked on the test the next day. My approach was different. I opened every class asking if there were questions, & did not provide a study guide or "review" the day before the test. I was consistent: I never "reviewed" for the test like my peers, and I told my students I wouldn't. Instead, I challenged my students to *think* about what they read, considering what was important, why we spent time discussing & reading things since the last test. I offered to provide the context for their learning if they had questions, but I didn't give answers to test questions the day before the test.

Isn't that how life is?

And yet, to teenagers, that is the bait-and-switch. My students' peers passed the time until the day before the test. There was a hue & cry about how things were different, unannounced, in some ways harder. I understand: who doesn't want an easy grade? But life isn't a high school test. There are fewer "easy" things for adults, even fewer are spelled out for us. To an adolescent, it seemed unfair, misleading, disingenuous, traitorous...

As adults, we can see the difference between purposeful duplicity and creating an environment where people can assimilate knowledge and experience in ways meaningful to them. The former is what cults do, the latter is what happens on a Crucible Project Weekend.

Obfuscate Real Agenda?
If you've read my blog entries through this one, you'll have seen that the Crucible Project Weekend is not a cult of personality, an MLM scheme, or a mind control gimmick.

Could it be The Crucible Project is what it says, that there is no conspiracy, cult, black helicopter, or other nefarious thing hiding in the shadows? I'd say so.

Crucible Project Cult? Part 9 of 13: Critical Thinking

Now for the 9th installment of 13:

9) They sometimes devalue critical thinking in favor of "experiencing" without self-analysis or reflection.

Thinking (and emotional literacy) Welcome

This doesn't fit at all; critical thought is not discouraged. In fact, there are opportunities throughout the weekend for critical thinking. Men aren't pushed or pulled into "experiencing"; this isn't a rave. As I've blogged before, all exercises are what I call "challenge by choice": a man can elect to not participate. So much for devaluing critical thinking in favor of experiencing.

Many men I know spend lots of time in their heads, analyzing problems. How many men can identify their real feelings when asked? I'm not suggesting the weekend is namby-pamby land; I am saying that most men I know have a hard time identifying what they feel. Having some base literacy there is essential, in my opinion, to living & communicating with other people, especially women and children.

The weekend encourages & provides opportunities for self-reflection. If you're skeptical, ask someone who has attended a weekend, or stop by a graduation ceremony & listen to what the men have to say.

Crucible Project Cult? Part 8 of 13: Encouraging Impulsive Behavior?

Tonight, part 8 of 13 in my series about whether or not The Crucible Project weekend retreats exhibit cult behavior.

8) They sometimes foster impulsive personality styles and behavioral strategies

Lemmings: Great imagery for the blog, not the model for The Crucible Project

I can understand how this is a fearful aspect of cults: getting members to "follow the herd" and do things they would not normally do, like giving up assets, doing things in which they would not normally participate.

The second part about fostering impulsive behavioral strategies indicates a longer term strategy around inducing impulsive behavior. Neither of these are true in The Crucible Project; in fact, there are specific efforts to counter what I believe is a natural human tendency. Let me explain.

Impulsive Personality Styles
As I noted in an earlier post, TCP represents a diverse slice of the male population: theologically (albeit all Christian), culture, language, location, vocation, marital status, etc.  There is no effort to get men to conform themselves into the image, habits, personality, or decision making process of any one man. The model man portrayed on the weekend is Jesus. The focus is not on being a clone of Greg Huston, or anyone else but Jesus; rather, the focus is on each man growing closer to God & becoming the man God created him to be, in line with the principles outlined in the Bible. Regarding my two examples above:

1. Men are not rewarded for a specific personality style or behavior on the weekend. There is no incentive to be anything other than authentic, which can be a challenge in and of itself. The weekends are "challenge by choice" (my term), and even then allow for differences among men.
2. There is no time-share style presentation, hitting men up for additional money before the weekend is over. There are no efforts whatsoever to get men to spend, buy, or obligate themselves for further financial commitments.

Impulsive Behavioral Strategies
In the first part of this post, I spoke of what I believe to be a natural human tendency, and that TCP works to counterbalance those. First, the natural human tendency. When I've been struggling with a problem for a long time and I finally get a crack in the case, some insight, a revelation, I'm excited. Coupling that with my natural tendency towards action often looks "impulsive". People who know me agree: I have made impulsive decisions. I've talked with other men about this specific scenario and they agree that many of them feel the urge to take action after uncovering new insights about a longstanding problem.

One time early in my career I found strange things happening at work, and the atmosphere became downright toxic. I worked to adapt what I could, to try new approaches, to work more hours--even though I had a sinking suspicion something larger was wrong. One morning senior management made a series of decisions and I figured out the issue...and that I needed to look for a new job. I was still employed, but the "writing on the wall" was clear. I *could* have made an "impulsive" decision and resigned on the spot: morale was bad, the culture was toxic, and I had new powerful insight about what was going on. In addition, I had savings, rented an apartment, and no dependents, so why not jump? Instead I waited for a time, sought wise counsel, etc. before acting. Though my decision to wait doesn't make for a story of boldness at parties, it was the right call. Why? Because big decisions like resigning, made on the spot when my emotions run high, are rarely wise.

Had I made such a "discovery" over the course of a Crucible Project Weekend, I would have received wise counsel about the urge I felt to go change some things about my job on Monday. I know I'm not providing much in the way of details; I choose to honor my commitment to confidentiality. Sure, I could have "stuck it to the man" and had a bold story to tell. TCP is about the larger story of God's work in my life, family, church, and community. Big decisions have ripple effects well beyond a snap decision and cavalier attitude.

The leaders of The Crucible Project understand men, their struggles, responsibilities, and commitments. Like guides on a dark, narrow path, they use wisdom and patience to lead from the front, rather than hype and hurry to push from the rear. Cult leaders don't do that, because they're out for themselves instead of being out for their followers.

Crucible Project Cult? Part 7 of 13: Total Exposure & Manipulation?

Now I'll look at cult behavior #7 & whether it is consistent with what I've seen on The Crucible Project weekend retreats.

7) They sometimes teach the covert value of total exposure instead of valuing personal differences.
I see this statement as three things:

1. Total exposure
2. Covert manipulation of others once they reveal themselves
3. Cults don't value personal differences

I have seen none of these three things on Crucible Project weekend retreats.

No explanation necessary.

*I've wanted to use this image for quite a while. I know it is very junior high of me, and I'm doing it anyway.

Total Exposure & Manipulation?
I know a man who is asks thoughtful, probing questions. He's honest about his own failings, challenges, & struggles. However, he has a very hard time respecting other people's "no" in the face of his questions. You might say he repeatedly tests my ego defenses. After several difficult interactions with this man, I went to a mutual friend for advice on how to deal with this man's persistence. Our mutual friend said that this man "…wants everyone to live emotionally naked. Most people just aren't up for that all the time." That persistence & disregard for boundaries is total exposure.

That's not what happens on the weekend, for three reasons.

1. As I said in an two earlier posts, here and here, each man is responsible for what he chooses to share. I don't judge what a man chooses to share nor does anyone compel him to share something different/more/make up something different. That's not authentic, it is coercion--and it is not at all what the weekend is about. Period.
2. There's a common value of confidentiality regarding what happens on the weekend. What is said there stays there. I blogged earlier about the difference between secrecy and confidentiality.
3. The covert value of total exposure. Sounds pretty sinister, huh? It certainly could be. It doesn't happen with The Crucible Project. I've shared some pretty deep, dark, difficult things on the weekends I've been on, as participant & staff. When men talk with me about what they've seen, it is about how they can relate, what they "got" from being a part of it. Nobody is confirming details or checking facts. Phones are secured elsewhere. We're off the grid. And maintaining confidentiality, as I've noted above & elsewhere, is essential throughout the weekend.

Personal Differences
Have you ever stood in a group of men & looked around? What about a group of Christian men? The subset & the larger group reveal the same thing: men are different. We look different on the outside, have different families of origin, different wounds, etc. Having said that, there are issues, questions, & key components of God's design for men which are common across all men.

These differences & commonalities are in constant tension. Both show up on the weekend. First, the common themes. The Crucible Project weekend retreats are for men, specifically those who call themselves Christians.

Differences are welcome and embraced on the weekend. Differences of race, ethnicity, language, & religious upbringing, for example, are some of the more visible ones. If you went on a weekend, or talked with someone who has, you'd find out that staff are also different from one another. I argue that a true cult would want cookie-cutter images of the same persona staffing, rather than diversity in any way. Check out the TCP Board of Directors: they're not all from the same church, state, Bible college, etc. I've also blogged about how staff disagreements are handled with integrity, instead of autocratic punishment or mindless adherence to a leader.

Another key assumption of the weekend is in fact that each man's work, like his walk with God, is different. That's why there's no published schedule, why it is an experiential weekend instead of a PowerPoint slide deck or list of practices, etc. I address these in an earlier post as well.

The weekend isn't total exposure, covert manipulation, or pushing aside individual differences. That may happen on other weekends out there, but not at a TCP weekend. And that is no B.S.

Crucible Project Cult? Part 6 of 13: Ego Defense

Ego Defenses Allowed!

This post tackles the next behavior attributed to cults:

6) They sometimes ignore the necessity and utility of ego defenses

I'm not a psychiatrist or psychologist, so I can't provide a scholarly examination of this. When I checked this out on Wikipedia, it tells me that people, including me, make up things to maintain a healthy self-image. Well of course I make up things to maintain a healthy self-image! In my mind, I'm not 20# heavier than high school, I'm a great husband, etc. Of course I do this stuff--just ask my wife. I do it, and so does everyone else. And I know why I do it (in a general, self-help kind of way).

In my life, I've had plenty of these ego defences some up against hard realities. Some of the most valuable words spoken to me by friends have been to call me out on those things. One time several years ago, a good friend named David told me that he was sad for me and my son. He told me that he kept hearing me talk about the problems we were struggling with, how I wanted to fix it/change…but I didn't change. He said he was sad because he'd been there with his Dad, having the same struggles. He knew how he was wounded, and he wanted more for me & my son. More than that, he said he believed I was sincere in my desire, but that he hadn't seen the change I'd been committed to for months. What he said stung because he was right.

He didn't tear me to shreds, assault my ego defense, or try to change me. He did remind me, in a gentle and firm way, how my words & deeds were not aligned. And he asked me which was more important. He walked with me as I went about figuring out what was in the way, and set about making important changes.

Crucible Project Cult? Part 5 of 13: Relationships

Now for episode 5 of 13 in my examination of The Crucible Project and whether it exhibits aspects of a cult.

5) They sometimes foster inappropriate patterns of relationships.
To me, "inappropriate patterns" mean emotional, sexual, or financial exploitation. These are pretty serious, so I'll address them one by one.

Emotional

Crucible Project: Emotionally
Healthy Relationships

In my experience, TCP is about creating a safe place for men to be honest with each other and themselves about their lives. Still, each man is responsible for what he chooses as safe to share. While this level  of vulnerability may seem scary to some people, this honesty isn't designed to emotionally vomit on others, nor is it about making comparisons to rank sins or justify wrong behaviors. When I'm staffing, I'm  there to serve the participants and to stand with other staff men to support participants emotionally.

Sexual
Most importantly, there is no sex on the weekend. Period. Boy, that is edgy to write, probably freaks out somebody, probably makes somebody mad. I'm walking a fine line here in terms of what does/does not happen on the weekend. But I write it because that little three letter word can be a powerful, painful mess in the lives of many men. In fact, many types of issues come up, including sex. The goal is to help men explore these barriers in a trusting environment.  In fact, realizing how volatile and powerful this little word can be in a man's life, TCP dedicates an entire separate weekend to examine the role of healthy sexuality in our lives. It's about examining perspectives, not about experimenting on people.



TCP: Not About Money

Financial
As I said before, I'm not paid to staff. Not by TCP, not by staff men directly. I don't get tips, gifts in kind, or any financial or other remuneration. I've done some impressive (for me) things on a weekend, but nobody has ever offered to pay me. (You can't see it, but I'm laughing at myself as I write about how I've done impressive things worth being pad on the weekend.) Even if someone offered to pay me for staffing, I'd refuse. That is not why I staff; I address that here. I don't invite men to weekends to I can grow my business or get them to be indebted to me financially. I don't know any man who does that (or would even consider it). The weekend comes up when men ask me or I invite them, and the basis is our relationship, my story, or what I "got" from my weekend.

When I hear men talk about the weekend, or who invited/told them something about TCP, I don't hear tales of payback. Instead, I hear tales of men who want to pay it forward--sharing what they "got" with other men they know, wanting to see that great benefit in the lives of their friends. In my opinion, that is about authentic friendship, not an inappropriate pattern of relationship.

Crucible Project Cult? Part 4 of 13: Authenticity & Reality

The next characteristic of cult behavior I'll examine: 

4) They sometimes foster pseudo-authenticity and pseudo-reality

Um, pesudo-what?

Pseudo is so….specific.

Authenticity

Authentic? Ask a man who has attended the weekend.

Staff share from their hearts on the weekend. The men I know well have been truthful when sharing,

whether as staff or participants. I've been authentic on weekends when I've attended and I'm challenged to share authentically when I see other men tell me the truth, even when the want to say something dishonest in order to look good. In my mind, that is authentic, not pseudo-authentic.

There's no incentive for pseudo-reality (a.k.a. making things up). I heard a friend say years ago that making things up is too much work for weak emotional theater. 

Reality

This isn't mind control; there is no pseudo-reality involved. The sky is still blue (well, gray in Chicago most of the time), there are no aliens, drugs, or mind-altering substances involved on the weekend. While I know some Crucible Project guys who know a lot about science & physics, they're not trying to bend those things on the weekend. Really.

Crucible Project Cult? Part 3 of 13: Responsibility

Responsibility isn't really dangerous,
it's scary at first.

This post addresses the next behavior: 

3) They lack clearly defined responsibility.  

The weekend doesn't just "happen", nor is it led by one person:  there are many people involved. I wrote about leadership, supervision, and training in an earlier post. Each staffer knows his responsibilities for the weekend. Staff also know who the overall leaders are, as well as the leaders who are responsible for particular parts of the weekend. As a staff man, I have a clear information about my roles & responsibilities. During the weekend there are regular meetings to assess progress &  performance. There are many opportunities for me to get clarity and coaching on my responsibilities, both before & during a weekend.

A wise friend of mine is a teacher. He had an epiphany a year or so ago that is relevant here. He realized that he's not responsible for his students, he's responsible to them. He's not responsible for their scores, effort, focus, or grades. Instead, he's responsible to them in terms of being prepared for the lesson, continuing to grow as a teacher, taking care of himself physically, etc. The Crucible Project staff are all about being responsible to the weekend, the participants, to God, and to each other. This comes in the form of prayer, preparation, focus, etc. We're wise enough to know that we're not responsible for each man, what specifically & uniquely what God has in store for them on the weekend (or in their lives), or for their decisions.

I'd say responsibility here is very clearly defined. Wouldn't you?

Crucible Project Cult? Part 2 of 13: Supervision and Training

The training is way better than
my graphics skills. Way. Better.

The next behavior common to cults is:
2) They lack reliable norms, supervision, and adequate training for leaders

The Crucible Project (TCP) runs multiple specific training sessions to develop staff.

For initial weekends at least (I've not staffed a 2nd level weekend), staff arrive on site early; part of this time is dedicated to training and preparation for the weekend. There is a great deal of focus, time, & energy spent to make sure staff understand the roles, process, flow, concepts, and intent of each piece of the weekend. There are multiple staff meetings throughout the weekend as well. This preparation is consistent across the weekends I've staffed.

In terms of leadership, there are very experienced leaders running the weekend. Note the plural: leaders, not just one. They provide experienced oversight throughout the weekend. The mantle of leadership here is not taken lightly, nor followed blindly. Staff are empowered to speak truth to power. I have seen men challenge leaders. The men's concerns were addressed in the open, the group moved on as a team. There was no punishment for speaking up, no banishment, etc.

To me, this information refutes point #2 of 13. 

It also speaks to an authentic servant leadership rarely seen elsewhere.

Crucible Project Cult? Part 1 of 13: Participant Selection

There are several places on the web which define & seek to "out" cultish groups. I've read their message boards & postings, and my judgement is that these are not places for conversations or dialog (inasmuch as can be had on a message board). I've seen people challenge the labeling of groups as cults, only to be shouted down, ridiculed, etc. I'm open to respectful dialog & difficult questions. I'm not up for vitriol. 'nuff said.

I've written enough now to begin walking through 2 separate definitions of cultism, and how The Crucible Project does *not* meet those criteria. The first is a list of 13 behaviors that are usually found in cults, specifically what are called mass marathon training or large group awareness training; the second is a shorter list. This is the first of 13 behaviors.

Crucible Project: Adequate Selection Criteria

1) They lack adequate participant selection criteria

I went to TCP because I had heard about what they did and I wanted what they talked about on the site. I know men who have attended because they know another man who did attend, and the change in that man was something worth going after. I'd say that is pretty *good* selection criteria.

There is no MLM scheme here! I do not get any financial or leadership benefit based on referrals. I don't get a cut, kick-back, or any financial remuneration for staffing. I don't get any gifts in kind instead of cash from The Crucible Project, either. Participant selection isn't based on personal financial gain. In addition, The Crucible Project is a not-for-profit organization. Really.

In addition, I had a phone conversation with a senior staffer between signing up for the weekend and leaving town for the weekend. There's no coercion, no aggressive recruitment here. This directly refutes this aspect of cultism/MMT/LGAT. 

When I think about participant selection, this is the image I think of.

Crucible Project Retreat No Greg Huston Cult

No Greg Huston picture in my wallet.

The Crucible Project weekend retreats are not a "cult of personality". Greg Huston is no Kim Jong-il. I don't have pictures of him in my wallet, or in my home. We don't have pictures of him on the weekends. He doesn't run around on weekends or staff meetings with people hanging on his every word. He's not a megalomaniac feared by everyone. People don't run around saying things like, "Greg said this" or "We can't do anything without Greg", or "*I* got to spend some time meeting with Greg today".

The reality is much different. First a disclaimer: I'm not a close confidante of Greg. I know him, & he knows me, but I haven't been in a small group with him, I'm not on the Board of Directors for The Crucible Project, etc. So I'm not speaking with authority or inside knowledge of who he is at his core. 

What I can say is that in my interactions with him, he's a humble, smart, wise, honest, hard-working guy who cares very much for the hearts of Christian men. He isn't at every retreat, and the focus when he is there is not on him at all. As I said in my post yesterday, staff are very focused on listening to the Holy Spirit & getting guidance there. Greg isn't hands-off: he has ideas on how he'd like things done, and a lot of experience to back up those ideas. He knows this work isn't about him: it's about men, community, the healing power of God & the whispers of the Holy Spirit.

That doesn't sound like a cult to me. Because it isn't.

Crucible Project: Cult or Not?

I’ve heard the question raised, “Is The Crucible Project a cult?”

I think this is a common question for men to ask. After all, the site is not awash with details regarding what goes on during the weekend, men are asked to keep confidential what happens, and there are things said on the internet which can be disconcerting. This is a pretty broad topic, so I’ll address in several posts.

Full disclosure: I’m not an expert on cults, and I’ve not been offered any remuneration by TCP leadership to write this post.

Before I get into the definition of cults and how they may/may not play out in TCP, I’d like to address the high level concerns listed above about what goes on in the weekend, and the issue of confidential information.

Crucible Project:
Cult or Conspiracy?
Nope

What happens on the weekend?

The site and alumni are pretty vague about what happens on the weekend. Why? More black helicopters? No.

Part of the weekend is an initiation, which is experiential in nature. Even if I had the outline in hand before I went on the weekend, I would miss the context, flow, and rhythm of the weekend. There are times in my life when audible turn-by-turn guidance is what I want, and I can understand how mystery about the weekend can increase a man’s desire for step-by-step instructions. I’ve found introspection and adventure to be places where Tom-Tom doesn’t know the route. I want to use the cheat codes for my life, but that doesn’t help me learn what God has been trying to teach me. The best way for me to experience the weekend is to actually experience the weekend.

Crucible Project: Safe

Confidential vs. Secrecy     

Men who attend the weekend are asked to keep confidential what they see and hear. Confidential has several definitions; in this case it is about being entrusted with private affairs. Secrecy is something done without the knowledge of others. Strong friendships are built around trust: knowing each other well, including each other’s mistakes & failings. To share these confidential mistakes & failings with others is at least gossip, at worst betrayal.

Setting up the framework of “what happens here stays here” is important. It enables an atmosphere of “no shenanigans” (or “no BS”) that is as rare as it is essential. How many times this week did you suspect people were not being entirely truthful with you? Were their motivations or objectives secret (vs. confidential)? Do you trust them? Part of setting up an environment without these “shenanigans” is ensuring confidentiality: being entrusted with private affairs.

Can men talk at all about the weekend?

What did you
get on your
weekend?

Yes, they can. In fact, men are encouraged to share with others what they “got” on the weekend. The irony: some men are very interested in the step-by-step, when what is really important is the learning, insight, revelation (e.g. “I got it!”) that happens along the way. Talking about what I uncovered about myself is risky, because it can be messy or involve a level of trust I don’t have with everyone. It is also authentic.

On my TCP weekend, I did some powerful grief work. My Dad died when I was 12. I loved him very much. I wasn’t quite to the age when boys pull away from their Dads & start carving out their own identity, so our relationship had very little conflict. Among the things I “got” on my weekend: a renewed appreciation for my kids, a heartfelt love for them, and a drive to experience more joy with them. There are more things I “got”, things more confidential than a blog post anyone can read. And if you ask the guys who were there, you’ll get a knowing look that comes from shared experience, and how that touched their lives. And because they understand “confidential”, you won’t get the details of what else happened that weekend. That's not because of a conspiracy, or a cult. It is because those are shared experiences are private.

Crucible Project: Why No Mobile Phones?

You may have read that on The Crucible Project retreats, participants are asked to turn over their mobile devices. To some, this may seem scary or uncomfortable; to others it smacks of black helicopters, one world government, etc.

No phone on the weekend? Conspiracy? Cult. Um, no.

I’m speaking as a man who has attended the weekend and has also staffed. I didn’t design the weekend, I’m not on the Board of Directors, and I’m blogging on my own regarding this issue, so this isn’t an “official” statement.

When was the last time you had an uninterrupted conversation with someone who had his/her mobile device within arm’s reach? When was the last time you had a meaningful conversation with someone who has a mobile device on their hip/in their hand, etc.? When was the last time you were doing something important, only to be interrupted by a phone call or text? With the internet in our pockets, it occurs to me it is impossible for us to be “present” if we don’t exercise control & discipline over our mobile devices.

I am easily distracted. In order to study in college, I went to the library, and holed up in a study cubicle facing the wall in a quiet area. Why? There were many more interesting things than my studies; this provided me an environment to succeed.

So asking me to give up my mobile device for the weekend isn’t really scandalous—except in the eyes of the world. My life won’t implode over the weekend—especially if I’ve told people I’m going on a retreat for the weekend.

What if something really important is going on? I’ve seen men staff and attend weekends while they needed to be reachable. One man I staffed with has two children who are medically fragile. His wife knew how long it would take him to get home, and how to reach a man on staff to get in touch with him. This man used the same process as an initiate and when he returned to staff. He was able to focus on his work over the weekend, and his wife knew how to reach him in the event she needed to.