7) They sometimes teach the covert value of total exposure instead of valuing personal differences.
I see this statement as three things:
- Total exposure
- Covert manipulation of others once they reveal themselves
- Cults don't value personal differences
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| No explanation necessary. |
*I've wanted to use this image for quite a while. I know it is very junior high of me, and I'm doing it anyway.
Total Exposure & Manipulation?
I know a man who is asks thoughtful, probing questions. He's honest about his own failings, challenges, & struggles. However, he has a very hard time respecting other people's "no" in the face of his questions. You might say he repeatedly tests my ego defenses. After several difficult interactions with this man, I went to a mutual friend for advice on how to deal with this man's persistence. Our mutual friend said that this man "…wants everyone to live emotionally naked. Most people just aren't up for that all the time." That persistence & disregard for boundaries is total exposure.
That's not what happens on the weekend, for three reasons.
- As I said in an two earlier posts, here and here, each man is responsible for what he chooses to share. I don't judge what a man chooses to share nor does anyone compel him to share something different/more/make up something different. That's not authentic, it is coercion--and it is not at all what the weekend is about. Period.
- There's a common value of confidentiality regarding what happens on the weekend. What is said there stays there. I blogged earlier about the difference between secrecy and confidentiality.
- The covert value of total exposure. Sounds pretty sinister, huh? It certainly could be. It doesn't happen with The Crucible Project. I've shared some pretty deep, dark, difficult things on the weekends I've been on, as participant & staff. When men talk with me about what they've seen, it is about how they can relate, what they "got" from being a part of it. Nobody is confirming details or checking facts. Phones are secured elsewhere. We're off the grid. And maintaining confidentiality, as I've noted above & elsewhere, is essential throughout the weekend.
Have you ever stood in a group of men & looked around? What about a group of Christian men? The subset & the larger group reveal the same thing: men are different. We look different on the outside, have different families of origin, different wounds, etc. Having said that, there are issues, questions, & key components of God's design for men which are common across all men.
These differences & commonalities are in constant tension. Both show up on the weekend. First, the common themes. The Crucible Project weekend retreats are for men, specifically those who call themselves Christians.
Differences are welcome and embraced on the weekend. Differences of race, ethnicity, language, & religious upbringing, for example, are some of the more visible ones. If you went on a weekend, or talked with someone who has, you'd find out that staff are also different from one another. I argue that a true cult would want cookie-cutter images of the same persona staffing, rather than diversity in any way. Check out the TCP Board of Directors: they're not all from the same church, state, Bible college, etc. I've also blogged about how staff disagreements are handled with integrity, instead of autocratic punishment or mindless adherence to a leader.
Another key assumption of the weekend is in fact that each man's work, like his walk with God, is different. That's why there's no published schedule, why it is an experiential weekend instead of a PowerPoint slide deck or list of practices, etc. I address these in an earlier post as well.
The weekend isn't total exposure, covert manipulation, or pushing aside individual differences. That may happen on other weekends out there, but not at a TCP weekend. And that is no B.S.
