Crucible Project Cult? Part 13 of 13: Risks of Group Participation

At long last, the final post of 13 addressing key cult behaviors relative the The Crucible Project and The Crucible Weekend.

13) They fail to adequately consider the "psychonoxious" or deleterious effects of group participation (or) adverse countertransference reactions.

Basically, this aspect of cult behavior revolves around leadership not considering the harmful effects of group participation. I debated the risk to my "Man Card" on this one and decided to opt for information over pride: I looked up countertransference. Countertransference is where an analyst/therapist is effectively "triggered" by something a patient says.

While I can see how this definitely applies to cults, I do not see evidence of this in The Crucible Project as a whole, and particularly not on The Crucible Weekend.

I'll start with countertransference. The Crucible Weekend is not a group therapy retreat. The specifics of the definition here don't apply. That's fine, what about the intent here: does leadership consider bad things happening to participants on the weekend? There are several key components of this:

1) Leadership and their role
As I've blogged before, leadership on The Crucible Weekend is servant leadership, where leaders hold

Bible & Prayer: Cornerstones for The Crucible Weekend

themselves to a high standard (God's) and invite staff to call them out and bring up concerns. When was the last time you saw this at your job, school board meeting, political rally, etc.? In addition to serving the staff, leaders are of course focused on the participants on the weekend. After all, there is no weekend without men who come. And there are no more weekends if men leave worse off than when they arrived.

In the same blog I wrote about the months-long preparation that goes into The Crucible Weekend. There is a lot of preparation, intention, and most importantly prayer involved here. Leadership sets the tone in any organization, and here men "walk the talk". Atypical in most organizations, I'd argue.

2) Money
This isn't a multi-level marketing scheme where leadership lines its pockets with alms from the poor, or presents a life-long curriculum [read: revenue stream]. There are no ancillary products (shirts, etc.) participants buy to increase revenue. Fees for the weekend are modest. I do not get paid as a staffer on the weekend: my reward for staffing is not monetary. There's very little to do with money.

3) Safety
Setting aside the specifics of countertransference, what happens if men get upset/triggered by something someone else says?  There are tools, time, prayer, and a collective will on the part of staff to address it.

What happens with men when something "hacks them off". When a man is "triggered" by something, there are a whole menu of options for dealing with & expressing what's going on inside:

• physical release like fighting, yelling, throwing things, breaking things, exercise, driving fast (mostly bad options I know)
• covering it up/checking out through drugs, alcohol, video games, or some other pursuit
• taking it out on the people around them, intentionally or unintentionally
• obsessing about it: it becomes the dominant theme of any & all conversations for some period of time

There are many more things men can do; I think this is an illustrative list. What is missing, on purpose, from this list:

• figuring out what the issue is (at the core)
• resolving the conflict
• addressing the issue

Flowers won't do the job

In my own men's group, and sometimes on The Crucible Weekend, sparks fly between men. After all, it takes iron to sharpen iron: flowers won't get the job done. And by sparks, I mean some level of conflict, not fist fights or mixed martial arts. The difference between this happening on the street or at work vs. on The Crucible Weekend is that there's a way to work through the conflict/trigger to separate the component parts, to figure out what the issue is & resolve the conflict.

Addressing the issue is really up to the individual. Here's an example.

Backstory
There's a guy I know who is having a lot of conflict and chaos at work. Management is behaving

Really, really stuck

inconsistently, there are favorite employees who can do no wrong (and ironically, they do little work while they're doing no wrong), communication problems everywhere, and gulf between what senior management can expense and what front line employees can purchase in the way of tools/training to do their job. Sound familiar/reasonable so far?

He's Stuck
So this guy I know can NOT stop talking about work. Ask his wife, small group, friends, kids, neighbors. Sometimes he successfully avoids the subject; sometimes someone asks and it all comes pouring out. He's stuck. He knows he's stuck, but doesn't know what to do with it. He sees himself snapping at his kids and wife, spending more & more free time in some alternate reality (video games, alcohol, the internet, etc.) trying to get away, a break, a respite.

Now What?
If this guy were in my men's group, we would work through a technique or two we learned on The Crucible Weekend to separate out the component parts of this swirling mess. He'd be able to get a sense of the issue(s) underneath it all. If the issue involved sparks flying with another man in our group, he could address & resolve the conflict. This is radical: most men I know burn the relationship or walk away when there is serious conflict.

The man could also ask for help in addressing the issue. He could ask to be held accountable, to be encouraged, etc. by the other men in the group as he goes about the business of addressing the issue. The other men in the group can't have difficult conversations with this guy's wife, parents, friends, etc. They can't *make* him find a good Christian counselor, handyman, mechanic, mentor, get a new job, etc.

I've been the guy above. So have many of the men I know.

If you've been "stuck", you know how hard it is to get "un-stuck". The truck driver above isn't going to get out of there by himself. And the truth is, God built us to be in community, not islands unto ourselves.

If a group of men can teach me how to get "un-stuck" because they believe the glory of God is a man fully alive, then certainly they've considered the risk of me being in a circle of men. And I'm living proof they have the tools to address whatever comes up when sparks fly.

Crucible Project Cult? Part 12 of 13: Time Pressure and Cures

We're almost there: 1 more post after this in the series of 13 behaviors of cults. Today:
12) They pay inadequate attention to decisions regarding time limitations. This may lead to increased pressure on some participants to unconsciously "fabricate" a cure.

There are three components here:

1. how time is handled
2. resulting pressure on participants
3. "fabricate a cure"

Don't apply on The Crucible Weekend

Time: Adequate Attention; Focused Intention
There is adequate attention to time limitations; there is also intention regarding time limitations. As I've blogged before, time on The Crucible Weekend is handled differently than most of our daily lives. First, the attention part. We know for sure the start time of the weekend; the finish time is a range. During the course of the weekend, staff know what time it is, and a range of time we *expect* things to take, based on experience. I've staffed a few times, and each piece may take more or less time than it did on a different weekend--and that is okay. The goal is men getting what they came for, not a metric like on time arrival. God has His own timeline, and I'm praying for & counting on Him to show up on the weekend.

Lots of this on The Crucible Weekend

Now for the intention part. The handling of time, and managing to an objective other than time, are by thoughtful, prayerful design. The schedule isn't published because the weekend is an experiential weekend, not a lecture or a train schedule. I mentioned variability above. This isn't a business meeting; exercises build on each other and the time required is the time required.


The weekend is managed by objective, not the clock: when men get what they need, the weekend moves on.

This is NOT The Crucible Weekend!

Pressure on Participants?
Because there is no published schedule, and because in many ways we're off the grid, there is *not* time pressure on participants. We're all away for the weekend, and the outside world will go on just fine for a few days. When was the last time you unplugged from your phone, email, calendar, to-do list? Jeez, it is cathartic to just write that sentence! With all of those distractions removed, it is much easier for me to be present in the moment, wherever I am. The weekend is designed to provide this freedom, and I argue there is no time pressure on participants.



Fabrication And The Cure

The Crucible Weekend Doesn't Peddle Cures

The intent isn't for participants to fabricate anything on the weekend. The standard is to get about the business of honesty & integrity, not making things up. Given the amount of prayer, preparation, & intention involved on the weekend, I have seen the fingerprints of the Holy Spirit in numerous ways--not the fabrications of men under time pressure.

As for the cure...  There is no language about "cure" on the TCP site. This isn't a therapy group, it isn't a bunch of guys running around telling other men how to fix their lives. I blogged earlier about the goals of the weekend, which you can read on the TCP site here. I certainly haven't seen anyone fabricate a "cure" like some medieval alchemist. I have seen and heard men talk about how the Great Physician showed up on the weekend in powerful and often unexpected ways. I have heard talk of healing, restoration, etc.--but not cure. That is okay, by design, and further proof that TCP isn't peddling snake oil.

Crucible Project Cult? Part 11 of 13: People Not Process

Today's exploration of cult behaviors:
11) They sometimes focus too much on structural self-awareness techniques and misplace the goal of democratic education; as a result participants may learn more about themselves and less about group process.

This aspect of cult behavior doesn't apply to TCP either, for several reasons.
First & foremost, TCP focuses *more* on democratic education than "structural self-awareness techniques".

• In my mind, focusing too much on "structural self-awareness techniques" means teaching & practicing behaviors over & over during the weekend. The weekend is an experiential weekend for participants, not a training course on how to run the weekend.
• I've blogged about how staff on the weekends are empowered to speak up, that leadership is treated as an honor & responsibility.
• Staff understand (and are taught) that what men "get" on the weekend is unique & personal. The process/schedule involved is the means to the end, not the end in itself.

The second part of this: participants learn more about themselves and less about group process.
Um, that's pretty much the point. My previous post went through the self-described goals of the weekend as published on the TCP site.

I think the intent here is about how true cults operate, in that participants in cults are kept isolated from understanding the group processes in which they participate. This just isn't so. Once men complete the weekend, any man can apply to staff.

In fact, by the end of the weekend, the rationale behind the flow of the weekend makes sense to participants. As I blogged before, what happens on the weekend is confidential, not a secret. There really is a difference.

Crucible Project Cult? Part 10 of 13: Real Agenda

Now for the next installment of whether The Crucible Project is a cult:
10) They sometimes ignore stated goals, misrepresent their actual techniques, and obfuscate their real agenda.

Ignore Stated Goals?
Let's start with them, straight from the site.

We sponsor THE CRUCIBLE WEEKEND, a life changing experience that is designed to challenge men of faith to go deep to discover new levels of truth about themselves. We give men an opportunity to wrestle with God over issues in their lives. Finally, we invite men to embrace their God-given masculinity and live at new levels of authenticity, passion and power.

I see three stated goals
1) discover new levels of truth about themselves
2) wrestle with God
3) embrace God-given masculinity & live at new levels of authenticity, passion, & power

1) New Levels of Truth
As I've blogged before, there are activities on the weekend which foster growth, introspection, and looking at things from a different perspective, with new tools. The staff may ask the questions; each man, in close partnership with God, digs into the truth about his life.

2) Wrestling with God
My three children *love* to wrestle with their Dad. It's playful, physical, fun. It's a place where they learn things, like hitting & biting are not wrestling. They also learn what "cheap shots" are, and that they're not okay. They learn new techniques, team up with their siblings, and we laugh and have a good time. There's almost always something someone learns during or after, and we have a quick debrief at the end, to reinforce things like don't throw pillows at the ceiling fan in Mom & Dad's room. :) When I went on my Crucible Weekend, I was afraid about what "wrestle with God" meant. In my experience, it is similar to wrestling with my kids:

• I can't really beat God, just like my kids can't beat me (yet--they're still little)
• I learn new techniques & team up with others, just like when my kids join their siblings in wrestling me
• I don't get hurt/wounded in the process, just like I don't let my kids get hurt (bumps sometimes happen; no ER trips-yet)
• I learn something new each time, just like I mentioned above
• When it is over, I'm glad I did it, just like my kids are

3) Embracing God-Given Masculinity
This is important, in a world where men in media are henpecked, dimwits, the butt of the jokes, selfish, or cruel. The weekend looks at the Bible to define masculinity in God's eyes, with Jesus as an example. Acknowledging & embracing the truth about my life can be scary; it is also refreshing & rewarding. What if you weren't afraid of how you sized up with other men? What if you realized that men have a lot more in common than you were taught? What if?

The Crucible Project: No Trap

Misrepresent Actual Techniques?
I argue there is no misrepresentation; in fact there is very little representation at all! As I blogged before here and here, sometimes men blanch at not knowing what will happen on the weekend. I can understand being uncomfortable with the mystery. Have you read the testimonials?

Sometimes it seems like things are being misrepresented when in fact they're not.

Right out of college, I was a high school history teacher. Most of my peers "reviewed" with the students the day before the test: paraphrasing the questions which would be asked on the test the next day. My approach was different. I opened every class asking if there were questions, & did not provide a study guide or "review" the day before the test. I was consistent: I never "reviewed" for the test like my peers, and I told my students I wouldn't. Instead, I challenged my students to *think* about what they read, considering what was important, why we spent time discussing & reading things since the last test. I offered to provide the context for their learning if they had questions, but I didn't give answers to test questions the day before the test.

Isn't that how life is?

And yet, to teenagers, that is the bait-and-switch. My students' peers passed the time until the day before the test. There was a hue & cry about how things were different, unannounced, in some ways harder. I understand: who doesn't want an easy grade? But life isn't a high school test. There are fewer "easy" things for adults, even fewer are spelled out for us. To an adolescent, it seemed unfair, misleading, disingenuous, traitorous...

As adults, we can see the difference between purposeful duplicity and creating an environment where people can assimilate knowledge and experience in ways meaningful to them. The former is what cults do, the latter is what happens on a Crucible Project Weekend.

Obfuscate Real Agenda?
If you've read my blog entries through this one, you'll have seen that the Crucible Project Weekend is not a cult of personality, an MLM scheme, or a mind control gimmick.

Could it be The Crucible Project is what it says, that there is no conspiracy, cult, black helicopter, or other nefarious thing hiding in the shadows? I'd say so.