Troubled on Every Side

A dear friend of mine is “troubled on every side” (2 Corinthians 4:8-10).

He’s fighting the good fight in a dark place. His physical safety is in question. His emotional well being is under daily attack. Things at work for him are dark & foreboding.

It has been 4 years since we set off, as a group, to rally around something greater in our lives: greater impact, greater responsibility, greater “things”. I don’t mean a bigger TV, or a newer car. I mean Kingdom Impact. We got crushed. Hammered. Separated & picked off. And we thought for a while the tide had turned.

He thought God was calling him out of the dark place, and then it all fell apart suddenly, a surprise despite all signals go. Everyone was thunderstruck: him, his wife, the men in our group. I was sad, angry, and confused. I wanted to know why. As I grieved for my friend, not knowing why, I couldn’t escape the feeling that God’s protection or His plan, invisible to us all, was involved. Over a month later, there’s no smoking gun, no scandal, no clear word from God on what happened—we still don’t have any inkling of “why”.

So he prepared to return to the dark place. Counseling, wisdom & support from us (more support than wisdom, I’m sure, but sometimes the blind squirrel finds a nut), and perseverance drive him on. He works in service to God, based on the gifts He has given.

This is the stuff that makes men heroes. It isn’t a big naval battle, or a speech at the United Nations, or closing the $5 million deal at work. This is a man, holding his Heavenly Father’s hand, going back into the war zone every day, doing his best for his God and the people God has called him to serve. His courage, perseverance, and effort inspire me, and I am honored to call him my friend.

What have you done lately worthy of such praise? What are you waiting for?

Why I Blog About The Crucible Weekend

Yesterday, Seth Godin’s blog spoke to me. He said:

The goal in blogging/business/inspiring non-fiction is to share a truth, or at least a truth as the writer sees it. To not just share it, but to spread it and to cause change to happen.

I’ve spoken with men who are stuck; I’ve been there. Heck, in some parts of my life I *am* stuck.

I believe in a non-profit ministry that has a great way to get un-stuck: The Crucible Project. They run The Crucible Weekend, a powerful Christian weekend men’s retreat. They have helped me get things moving in my life when I’m stuck. And this works when I have a faith in Jesus, I take responsibility for my choices, and I’m part of a community of men who do the same thing.

I don’t write b/c I’m particularly gifted at it: it’s hard, time-consuming, and has mostly indirect impact (as far as I know). I write b/c men in the Christian church are bored, asleep, punched-out, etc. It is bad for our world, all the way down to our families and ourselves as men.

To be clear: I’m not fishing for pats on the back. Seth wrote something that sparked a fire in me.

Wouldn’t you like a fire of your own?

The Crucible Weekend: Endorsed in a Book!

About 5 weeks ago, I blogged about a post David Murrow made on his blog.

Since then, I’ve discovered that he’s written a new book, “What Your Husband Isn’t Telling You: A Guided Tour of a Man’s Body, Soul, and Spirit”. Based on the title, I was intrigued, and I finally got around to ordering it last week. I’ll be sure to blog about it once I get it & finish reading.

Things got really interesting when I found out from a friend that in his book, Murrow endorses The Crucible Weekend, put on by The Crucible Project. He relates the experience of a dear friend in a compelling way, demonstrating both the power of this men’s weekend retreat and his own skill as a writer.

Check it out for yourself on Amazon. Use the “Look Inside” feature & search for “The Crucible Project” and read for yourself.

The Crucible Weekend: Advice

Here is what I've learned about advice. Yes, you could say it is advice about advice.

Isn't this the truth, most of the time?

• Don't give it. If a man wants your advice, he'll ask for it.
• Don't give it in the form of "Here's what I do when I'm in that situation..." This is really a case of me trying to fix the man, or waiting for my turn to talk. Think about it.
• If it seems a man is looking for advice, I can ask him if that is the case.
• If he is willing, advice can be more powerful in the form of questions, instead of telling. Example: "What do you think would happen if you asked for what you want?"
• When a man trusts me, I may have permission to share with him the data of what I observe. If I'm able to do just that, without the drama & emotional vomiting most people bring, there is power in the purity & simplicity there.
• If a man doesn't trust me, if he doesn't see that I care for him & his life, well...we're both better off if I keep my mouth shut.