Crucible Project Cult? Part 9 of 13: Critical Thinking

Now for the 9th installment of 13:

9) They sometimes devalue critical thinking in favor of "experiencing" without self-analysis or reflection.

Thinking (and emotional literacy) Welcome

This doesn't fit at all; critical thought is not discouraged. In fact, there are opportunities throughout the weekend for critical thinking. Men aren't pushed or pulled into "experiencing"; this isn't a rave. As I've blogged before, all exercises are what I call "challenge by choice": a man can elect to not participate. So much for devaluing critical thinking in favor of experiencing.

Many men I know spend lots of time in their heads, analyzing problems. How many men can identify their real feelings when asked? I'm not suggesting the weekend is namby-pamby land; I am saying that most men I know have a hard time identifying what they feel. Having some base literacy there is essential, in my opinion, to living & communicating with other people, especially women and children.

The weekend encourages & provides opportunities for self-reflection. If you're skeptical, ask someone who has attended a weekend, or stop by a graduation ceremony & listen to what the men have to say.

Crucible Project Cult? Part 8 of 13: Encouraging Impulsive Behavior?

Tonight, part 8 of 13 in my series about whether or not The Crucible Project weekend retreats exhibit cult behavior.

8) They sometimes foster impulsive personality styles and behavioral strategies

Lemmings: Great imagery for the blog, not the model for The Crucible Project

I can understand how this is a fearful aspect of cults: getting members to "follow the herd" and do things they would not normally do, like giving up assets, doing things in which they would not normally participate.

The second part about fostering impulsive behavioral strategies indicates a longer term strategy around inducing impulsive behavior. Neither of these are true in The Crucible Project; in fact, there are specific efforts to counter what I believe is a natural human tendency. Let me explain.

Impulsive Personality Styles
As I noted in an earlier post, TCP represents a diverse slice of the male population: theologically (albeit all Christian), culture, language, location, vocation, marital status, etc.  There is no effort to get men to conform themselves into the image, habits, personality, or decision making process of any one man. The model man portrayed on the weekend is Jesus. The focus is not on being a clone of Greg Huston, or anyone else but Jesus; rather, the focus is on each man growing closer to God & becoming the man God created him to be, in line with the principles outlined in the Bible. Regarding my two examples above:

1. Men are not rewarded for a specific personality style or behavior on the weekend. There is no incentive to be anything other than authentic, which can be a challenge in and of itself. The weekends are "challenge by choice" (my term), and even then allow for differences among men.
2. There is no time-share style presentation, hitting men up for additional money before the weekend is over. There are no efforts whatsoever to get men to spend, buy, or obligate themselves for further financial commitments.

Impulsive Behavioral Strategies
In the first part of this post, I spoke of what I believe to be a natural human tendency, and that TCP works to counterbalance those. First, the natural human tendency. When I've been struggling with a problem for a long time and I finally get a crack in the case, some insight, a revelation, I'm excited. Coupling that with my natural tendency towards action often looks "impulsive". People who know me agree: I have made impulsive decisions. I've talked with other men about this specific scenario and they agree that many of them feel the urge to take action after uncovering new insights about a longstanding problem.

One time early in my career I found strange things happening at work, and the atmosphere became downright toxic. I worked to adapt what I could, to try new approaches, to work more hours--even though I had a sinking suspicion something larger was wrong. One morning senior management made a series of decisions and I figured out the issue...and that I needed to look for a new job. I was still employed, but the "writing on the wall" was clear. I *could* have made an "impulsive" decision and resigned on the spot: morale was bad, the culture was toxic, and I had new powerful insight about what was going on. In addition, I had savings, rented an apartment, and no dependents, so why not jump? Instead I waited for a time, sought wise counsel, etc. before acting. Though my decision to wait doesn't make for a story of boldness at parties, it was the right call. Why? Because big decisions like resigning, made on the spot when my emotions run high, are rarely wise.

Had I made such a "discovery" over the course of a Crucible Project Weekend, I would have received wise counsel about the urge I felt to go change some things about my job on Monday. I know I'm not providing much in the way of details; I choose to honor my commitment to confidentiality. Sure, I could have "stuck it to the man" and had a bold story to tell. TCP is about the larger story of God's work in my life, family, church, and community. Big decisions have ripple effects well beyond a snap decision and cavalier attitude.

The leaders of The Crucible Project understand men, their struggles, responsibilities, and commitments. Like guides on a dark, narrow path, they use wisdom and patience to lead from the front, rather than hype and hurry to push from the rear. Cult leaders don't do that, because they're out for themselves instead of being out for their followers.

Crucible Project Cult? Part 7 of 13: Total Exposure & Manipulation?

Now I'll look at cult behavior #7 & whether it is consistent with what I've seen on The Crucible Project weekend retreats.

7) They sometimes teach the covert value of total exposure instead of valuing personal differences.
I see this statement as three things:

1. Total exposure
2. Covert manipulation of others once they reveal themselves
3. Cults don't value personal differences

I have seen none of these three things on Crucible Project weekend retreats.

No explanation necessary.

*I've wanted to use this image for quite a while. I know it is very junior high of me, and I'm doing it anyway.

Total Exposure & Manipulation?
I know a man who is asks thoughtful, probing questions. He's honest about his own failings, challenges, & struggles. However, he has a very hard time respecting other people's "no" in the face of his questions. You might say he repeatedly tests my ego defenses. After several difficult interactions with this man, I went to a mutual friend for advice on how to deal with this man's persistence. Our mutual friend said that this man "…wants everyone to live emotionally naked. Most people just aren't up for that all the time." That persistence & disregard for boundaries is total exposure.

That's not what happens on the weekend, for three reasons.

1. As I said in an two earlier posts, here and here, each man is responsible for what he chooses to share. I don't judge what a man chooses to share nor does anyone compel him to share something different/more/make up something different. That's not authentic, it is coercion--and it is not at all what the weekend is about. Period.
2. There's a common value of confidentiality regarding what happens on the weekend. What is said there stays there. I blogged earlier about the difference between secrecy and confidentiality.
3. The covert value of total exposure. Sounds pretty sinister, huh? It certainly could be. It doesn't happen with The Crucible Project. I've shared some pretty deep, dark, difficult things on the weekends I've been on, as participant & staff. When men talk with me about what they've seen, it is about how they can relate, what they "got" from being a part of it. Nobody is confirming details or checking facts. Phones are secured elsewhere. We're off the grid. And maintaining confidentiality, as I've noted above & elsewhere, is essential throughout the weekend.

Personal Differences
Have you ever stood in a group of men & looked around? What about a group of Christian men? The subset & the larger group reveal the same thing: men are different. We look different on the outside, have different families of origin, different wounds, etc. Having said that, there are issues, questions, & key components of God's design for men which are common across all men.

These differences & commonalities are in constant tension. Both show up on the weekend. First, the common themes. The Crucible Project weekend retreats are for men, specifically those who call themselves Christians.

Differences are welcome and embraced on the weekend. Differences of race, ethnicity, language, & religious upbringing, for example, are some of the more visible ones. If you went on a weekend, or talked with someone who has, you'd find out that staff are also different from one another. I argue that a true cult would want cookie-cutter images of the same persona staffing, rather than diversity in any way. Check out the TCP Board of Directors: they're not all from the same church, state, Bible college, etc. I've also blogged about how staff disagreements are handled with integrity, instead of autocratic punishment or mindless adherence to a leader.

Another key assumption of the weekend is in fact that each man's work, like his walk with God, is different. That's why there's no published schedule, why it is an experiential weekend instead of a PowerPoint slide deck or list of practices, etc. I address these in an earlier post as well.

The weekend isn't total exposure, covert manipulation, or pushing aside individual differences. That may happen on other weekends out there, but not at a TCP weekend. And that is no B.S.

Crucible Project Cult? Part 6 of 13: Ego Defense

Ego Defenses Allowed!

This post tackles the next behavior attributed to cults:

6) They sometimes ignore the necessity and utility of ego defenses

I'm not a psychiatrist or psychologist, so I can't provide a scholarly examination of this. When I checked this out on Wikipedia, it tells me that people, including me, make up things to maintain a healthy self-image. Well of course I make up things to maintain a healthy self-image! In my mind, I'm not 20# heavier than high school, I'm a great husband, etc. Of course I do this stuff--just ask my wife. I do it, and so does everyone else. And I know why I do it (in a general, self-help kind of way).

In my life, I've had plenty of these ego defences some up against hard realities. Some of the most valuable words spoken to me by friends have been to call me out on those things. One time several years ago, a good friend named David told me that he was sad for me and my son. He told me that he kept hearing me talk about the problems we were struggling with, how I wanted to fix it/change…but I didn't change. He said he was sad because he'd been there with his Dad, having the same struggles. He knew how he was wounded, and he wanted more for me & my son. More than that, he said he believed I was sincere in my desire, but that he hadn't seen the change I'd been committed to for months. What he said stung because he was right.

He didn't tear me to shreds, assault my ego defense, or try to change me. He did remind me, in a gentle and firm way, how my words & deeds were not aligned. And he asked me which was more important. He walked with me as I went about figuring out what was in the way, and set about making important changes.

Crucible Project Cult? Part 5 of 13: Relationships

Now for episode 5 of 13 in my examination of The Crucible Project and whether it exhibits aspects of a cult.

5) They sometimes foster inappropriate patterns of relationships.
To me, "inappropriate patterns" mean emotional, sexual, or financial exploitation. These are pretty serious, so I'll address them one by one.

Emotional

Crucible Project: Emotionally
Healthy Relationships

In my experience, TCP is about creating a safe place for men to be honest with each other and themselves about their lives. Still, each man is responsible for what he chooses as safe to share. While this level  of vulnerability may seem scary to some people, this honesty isn't designed to emotionally vomit on others, nor is it about making comparisons to rank sins or justify wrong behaviors. When I'm staffing, I'm  there to serve the participants and to stand with other staff men to support participants emotionally.

Sexual
Most importantly, there is no sex on the weekend. Period. Boy, that is edgy to write, probably freaks out somebody, probably makes somebody mad. I'm walking a fine line here in terms of what does/does not happen on the weekend. But I write it because that little three letter word can be a powerful, painful mess in the lives of many men. In fact, many types of issues come up, including sex. The goal is to help men explore these barriers in a trusting environment.  In fact, realizing how volatile and powerful this little word can be in a man's life, TCP dedicates an entire separate weekend to examine the role of healthy sexuality in our lives. It's about examining perspectives, not about experimenting on people.



TCP: Not About Money

Financial
As I said before, I'm not paid to staff. Not by TCP, not by staff men directly. I don't get tips, gifts in kind, or any financial or other remuneration. I've done some impressive (for me) things on a weekend, but nobody has ever offered to pay me. (You can't see it, but I'm laughing at myself as I write about how I've done impressive things worth being pad on the weekend.) Even if someone offered to pay me for staffing, I'd refuse. That is not why I staff; I address that here. I don't invite men to weekends to I can grow my business or get them to be indebted to me financially. I don't know any man who does that (or would even consider it). The weekend comes up when men ask me or I invite them, and the basis is our relationship, my story, or what I "got" from my weekend.

When I hear men talk about the weekend, or who invited/told them something about TCP, I don't hear tales of payback. Instead, I hear tales of men who want to pay it forward--sharing what they "got" with other men they know, wanting to see that great benefit in the lives of their friends. In my opinion, that is about authentic friendship, not an inappropriate pattern of relationship.

Crucible Project Cult? Part 4 of 13: Authenticity & Reality

The next characteristic of cult behavior I'll examine: 

4) They sometimes foster pseudo-authenticity and pseudo-reality

Um, pesudo-what?

Pseudo is so….specific.

Authenticity

Authentic? Ask a man who has attended the weekend.

Staff share from their hearts on the weekend. The men I know well have been truthful when sharing,

whether as staff or participants. I've been authentic on weekends when I've attended and I'm challenged to share authentically when I see other men tell me the truth, even when the want to say something dishonest in order to look good. In my mind, that is authentic, not pseudo-authentic.

There's no incentive for pseudo-reality (a.k.a. making things up). I heard a friend say years ago that making things up is too much work for weak emotional theater. 

Reality

This isn't mind control; there is no pseudo-reality involved. The sky is still blue (well, gray in Chicago most of the time), there are no aliens, drugs, or mind-altering substances involved on the weekend. While I know some Crucible Project guys who know a lot about science & physics, they're not trying to bend those things on the weekend. Really.

Crucible Project Cult? Part 3 of 13: Responsibility

Responsibility isn't really dangerous,
it's scary at first.

This post addresses the next behavior: 

3) They lack clearly defined responsibility.  

The weekend doesn't just "happen", nor is it led by one person:  there are many people involved. I wrote about leadership, supervision, and training in an earlier post. Each staffer knows his responsibilities for the weekend. Staff also know who the overall leaders are, as well as the leaders who are responsible for particular parts of the weekend. As a staff man, I have a clear information about my roles & responsibilities. During the weekend there are regular meetings to assess progress &  performance. There are many opportunities for me to get clarity and coaching on my responsibilities, both before & during a weekend.

A wise friend of mine is a teacher. He had an epiphany a year or so ago that is relevant here. He realized that he's not responsible for his students, he's responsible to them. He's not responsible for their scores, effort, focus, or grades. Instead, he's responsible to them in terms of being prepared for the lesson, continuing to grow as a teacher, taking care of himself physically, etc. The Crucible Project staff are all about being responsible to the weekend, the participants, to God, and to each other. This comes in the form of prayer, preparation, focus, etc. We're wise enough to know that we're not responsible for each man, what specifically & uniquely what God has in store for them on the weekend (or in their lives), or for their decisions.

I'd say responsibility here is very clearly defined. Wouldn't you?

Crucible Project Cult? Part 2 of 13: Supervision and Training

The training is way better than
my graphics skills. Way. Better.

The next behavior common to cults is:
2) They lack reliable norms, supervision, and adequate training for leaders

The Crucible Project (TCP) runs multiple specific training sessions to develop staff.

For initial weekends at least (I've not staffed a 2nd level weekend), staff arrive on site early; part of this time is dedicated to training and preparation for the weekend. There is a great deal of focus, time, & energy spent to make sure staff understand the roles, process, flow, concepts, and intent of each piece of the weekend. There are multiple staff meetings throughout the weekend as well. This preparation is consistent across the weekends I've staffed.

In terms of leadership, there are very experienced leaders running the weekend. Note the plural: leaders, not just one. They provide experienced oversight throughout the weekend. The mantle of leadership here is not taken lightly, nor followed blindly. Staff are empowered to speak truth to power. I have seen men challenge leaders. The men's concerns were addressed in the open, the group moved on as a team. There was no punishment for speaking up, no banishment, etc.

To me, this information refutes point #2 of 13. 

It also speaks to an authentic servant leadership rarely seen elsewhere.

Crucible Project Cult? Part 1 of 13: Participant Selection

There are several places on the web which define & seek to "out" cultish groups. I've read their message boards & postings, and my judgement is that these are not places for conversations or dialog (inasmuch as can be had on a message board). I've seen people challenge the labeling of groups as cults, only to be shouted down, ridiculed, etc. I'm open to respectful dialog & difficult questions. I'm not up for vitriol. 'nuff said.

I've written enough now to begin walking through 2 separate definitions of cultism, and how The Crucible Project does *not* meet those criteria. The first is a list of 13 behaviors that are usually found in cults, specifically what are called mass marathon training or large group awareness training; the second is a shorter list. This is the first of 13 behaviors.

Crucible Project: Adequate Selection Criteria

1) They lack adequate participant selection criteria

I went to TCP because I had heard about what they did and I wanted what they talked about on the site. I know men who have attended because they know another man who did attend, and the change in that man was something worth going after. I'd say that is pretty *good* selection criteria.

There is no MLM scheme here! I do not get any financial or leadership benefit based on referrals. I don't get a cut, kick-back, or any financial remuneration for staffing. I don't get any gifts in kind instead of cash from The Crucible Project, either. Participant selection isn't based on personal financial gain. In addition, The Crucible Project is a not-for-profit organization. Really.

In addition, I had a phone conversation with a senior staffer between signing up for the weekend and leaving town for the weekend. There's no coercion, no aggressive recruitment here. This directly refutes this aspect of cultism/MMT/LGAT. 

When I think about participant selection, this is the image I think of.