Communication: Curiosity & Active Listening

Lately I've been thinking about curiosity & active listening, and how important they are when we communicate.

Curiosity

• Asking open-ended questions, vs. questions with a yes/no answer.
• Seeking to understand the other person. My experiences are usually different from those of others, so it takes time, focus, and effort to understand where another person is coming from, what he means, etc.
• Using my eyes and ears when listening to someone share. I've actually seen someone say yes and shake their head no, unconsciously, in response to a question. Well, truth be told, someone else pointed it out to me. I noticed something, but didn't put it together until another, more observant man pointed it out.

Active Listening

• Is not just for women! Men respond to this, too. People respond positively if I'm showing them I'm paying attention--without hijacking the conversation.
• "What I heard you say was..." is a great way for a person to demonstrate this.
• Back to paying attention & curiosity (above), if you're really paying attention, you might find someone contradicting what s/he said earlier. In my men's group, we often call each other out on things like this.
• "You say regularly that quality family time is important, but you just told me you avoid conversations with your wife about the calendar. How will quality family time happen if you avoid scheduling it?" Busted! This is one of the countless blessings my family has received when I've been called out for things I say which contradict each other.

Are you genuinely curious about what your spouse is saying? Really?

What about community? Do you have a small group of people who *know* you, who listen well, care for you, and listen--really listen--to what you say? If the answer is no, why not? Groups of emotionally adept people are out there. Sure, it's risky & bumpy

What's in the way of taking the risk & make the effort to be a better listener to your friends, spouse, customers, & children?